We're now a few weeks in to the summer and it is back to the way it was before, just Kristin and I all day.
Her friend, that came over after school, has gone to spend the summer with grandmother. While I miss having someone around for Kristin to play with, truthfully two girls that age were a handful and required more of my time than just Kristin alone. Mediating is a full time job at this age. If they fight over something, you might think that a simple flip of the coin will resolve it, but then they both want to be heads. You get that resolved and then they both want to flip the coin, and you get that resolved and then there is pushing and shoving to be the first to see it as it lands. Every step of the way is just a painful tug of war. Now there would be times, sometimes entire hours where they would get along perfectly, but mostly it was just constant power struggles and I don't actually lament that we are back to just Kristin and myself during the days this summer.
The huge difference between two kids in the house vs. one, is profound enough that for the first few weeks of the summer, I was a little off balance, feeling out of routine. Kristin, of course, adapted pretty quickly, although she still talks about sharing rules she thinks up, or things to do, that she will do when "X" comes back over. I tell her, that she's gone for the summer, but at that age, I don't know how deep that sinks in. She still talks about her coming over.
The sudden change around here, back to relative peacefulness, has made me reflect on all the people who come and go. Except for family, people always come and go from my life at some point. My best friends from my school years, I have lost all contact with. When I think back to when I was growing up and remember my parents socializing, there came a point in their life, when all contact with previous friends just ceased. The reasons would be varied, but outside of family, for all of us, there was no permanence. I had school friends, but after school we went our ways. I had friends from work, but when the job was over, the similarity/bond was over, and so on. My sister has a friend from high school, and they are in their 30's now, and still connecting so that might be a friendship for life, but beyond that one, I have no experience of permanence in relationships outside of family.
In the middle of July, Kristin has a birthday party to attend. It is her 'boyfriend' from school (his claim). I haven't spoken with them, we got the invitation on the last day of school and I R.S.V.P.'d by telephone message. It will be a nice reconnection for her in the middle of the summer. I don't know if he will be in her 1st grade. I don't know if the girl who came over, every day after school, will be in her 1st grade either. I can't help but wonder of all the people that will come and go in her life. There are so many, I know, because there were so many for me. Who will be her prom date? Who will be her first date? How many girls will be at her first slumber party? Where will they be 15 years later?
Sometimes I think of stuff like this, and no, I'm not stoned. There's going to be a lot of people coming in and going out of her life, through the years ahead. It's that way for everybody. I find comfort in knowing that I (we) get to be her ground.
1 comments:
Your post really resonates with me. I wonder about similar things for our foster son, who has had so many people come in and out of his life in a very short time. And I, as well, have seen the changing of the guard when it comes to friends lately (the past 4 to 5 years). It is a little alarming in some ways and I'm coming to terms with what it all means. Your post has given me something to think about.
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