Adamant Sun

You get what you pay for

2010-01-31T21:17:00.000-08:00

Apparently my last post was getting spam that blogger wouldn't let me delete, so I had to delete the whole post to get rid of it.

Though the sun goes down, it will rise tomorrow and life is not over yet

2009-10-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

It's been about 3 months since I've blogged but I feel like it's been about a year since I've really had anything worthwhile I've wanted to write about. I've looked at the blogs on my blogroll and most of them haven't blogged in months either. Some have even signed off of blogging permanently.

I don't want to give blogging up, but I still feel stalled. When Kristin was a baby, blogging gave me a sense of community with other alternative families and an outlet to share joys and questions. She's older now and starting to keep a journal of her own. The need I got fulfilled from blogging is no longer there. I suspect the same for the other bloggers on my blogroll who don't blog much anymore. Our kids are older now, our needs have changed and our lives have gone on.

We're doing just fine. We started Lavender Families, a google group for LGBT families in the Monterey Bay area and we have about 14 families now, with kids of all age groups. We're spread out, with families in Carmel, Santa Cruz, Pacific Grove and Salinas, so we have infrequent gatherings, but it's a start. The fears and uncertainties that led me to reach out via blogging have subsided dramatically, while never completely going away. I suspect that is part of parenting though and will always exist to some degree.

I wonder if Facebook and Myspace will bring about the end of blogging. I want to take my blogging in a new direction, and get that old fired up feeling again, but I don't want to spend too much time on something if it's going to become obsolete. I tried Facebook, I just can't get into it. As it is now, I'm spending too much time on Twitter, something that really is counterproductive to writing.

I'm still unemployed. My career has stalled. It isn't just my blogging where I feel a loss of a sense of direction. I've been avoiding focusing on my career problems, by throwing myself into running the household/family. You know sometimes when you don't know what to do, you avoid the problem. I do Web Project Management and Database Asset Management. I'm 44. The career field is dried up for someone my age. Apparently I need to start over.

Life goes on. I will find something. I enjoy writing fiction, I enjoy cooking (no formal training) and I am at the point in my life, where I feel I really just need to supplement our income and still keep my focus on running the family/house. I no longer want a career that will require large amounts of time away from home. I'm happy with househusband as the primary role for me. Writing fiction, politics, gardening, cooking and more... of the things I enjoy, I imagine my blogging will start to go in one of those directions, just which one yet, I'm still not sure.

Reflections and Going Forward

2009-06-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday we had our first annual Family Pride Picnic. It was great fun, I think about 80 people showed up, which is pretty good for a first time thing. As soon as we can find the computer chip with all the pics, I'll upload some.

This whole past week has made me very reflective on how people come and go in our lives. I probably blogged about this feeling already, it hits me every time someone drifts apart from us. While I embrace change because it usually means progress, there is also something very comforting in the familiar.

I think Toney and I are going to be scaling back on our activism. We've come so far as a community, and we aren't giving it up, but reprioritizing. While we are passionate for equality, it seems that the married people in this town do more for equality than the single people. Not exclusively, there are exceptions, but it doesn't make much sense to fight for someone else's civil rights, when they are too busy to do it themselves.

We will get a lot of our time back. We will still focus on getting the diversity center in town and we will do more on a state level, rather than locally. Perhaps help Gavin Newsom's campaign, or work with the Courage Campaign. Everything has been all worth it. We've met some great people and we've made a difference in this town, the success of the pride picnic is just one example of that.

It's been a great year, I wish I had blogged more of it.

How Prop 8 changed our little gay family forever

2009-05-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

I remember the first Blogging for LGBT Families Day, Dana (Mombian) wasn't sure about how to approach it and emailed me and we discussed it and I encouraged her to just dive in and do it. Now, 4 years later, it is like this huge event with hundreds of LGBT parents blogging their lives, sponsors and no sign of slowing down. Congrats to Dana for creating something so profound and important for our community.

Our family consists of me, my husband Toney and our daughter Kristin, 6 years old. We were married during the brief window of legal opportunity in California, where we reside. To get a synopsis of our life, check out my blog, I've been blogging our gay family life since Kristin was in diapers.

I think what I want to point out this time, is how Prop 8 changed our little gay family, here in this conservative farming town of about a quarter million. Before Prop 8, it was just the three of us, living day to day, trying to get by and experiencing the shunning that many families can feel in a small-town mentality community where diversity and outsiders are frowned upon. This town had no organized gay community, no bars or other alcohol free meeting places, no LGBT family groups, no diversity center, no gay social events, absolutely nothing whatsoever.

In fact, it was why I turned to blogging originally, to find some other LGBT families, to find a sense of community and to have an online diary that hopefully like minded people would eventually come across.

Then Prop 8 came about. During the months leading up to Prop 8, about 6 LGBT people got together and starting making phone calls from the phone book, just calling everybody and urging them to vote no on Prop 8. That was it, that was this town's organized resistance. Well, Prop 8 passed and suddenly all the gay people in this town, us included, were royally pissed. Thankfully, Toney and I had gotten married during the window of opportunity, but it was a bittersweet moment. Was it to be taken from us? If not, it's still disheartening to know that other members of our community were now shut out. It made us feel like freaks in a zoo, the "special" gays who now fit in neither group. It was just all so wrong.

So Toney and I created a website for those 6 LGBT people and with the website, and the anger from Prop 8, they grew from 6 people to over 300. We are working on becoming a non-profit, we are organizing and we are on schedule to have a diversity center in this town by Thanksgiving. That is going from 6 people to having a center in one year's time. An incredible feat. We have social events, we rally and have protested in front of city hall and the courthouse. Kristin helps us make signs, and best of all, we have community now. We have met the best people in the world, passionate, caring and angry LGBT people. We have met other gay families with kids, so now Kristin finally has families she can relate to. I have been able to sit down with the moms and we discuss raising kids in this environment. A very supportive atmosphere where we can understand and relate to what each other is going through, whether it is ostracization at the school, or by other parents, whatever the reason, a HUGE burden has been lifted from my shoulders and our small, conservative town is now much different for us LGBT parents. We have each other now to turn to. In addition to all the work our equality group is doing to support the community overall, (the diversity center, we've brought PFLAG and local GSAs together to discuss what can be done to help each other, we've created events for LGBT people to socialize at) there are events soon taking place specifically for LGBT families too. We are having our first family pride picnic in June, we are going to create a family support group, family get togethers and our community is getting stronger and more connected. I don't think this ever would have happened without Prop 8.

After any natural disaster, whether it is earthquake, flood or tornado, life will grow back, stronger and better than before. The same thing has happened in the aftermath of Prop 8. We are stronger, we are better and we are 1,000 times more united than before. There is no going back, in the space of less than a year, our community has gone from a lone little seedling to a full grown tree, covered in pink blossoms. This town will never be the same.

Summer Vacation Just Days Away

2009-05-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for the summer. Just about two more weeks of school then it's over. Since I'm currently unemployed, I'm going to be semi-working as Daddy DayCare. Two other 6 year old girls and one 9 year old boy will be spending the days with us. I'm looking forward to it, we are going to have a great time doing activities, science stuff, cooking, picnics, and I will be getting a tad bit of compensation for it.

Best of all, two of the kids have a lesbian mom, they just moved into town recently. So cool, we met through our equality group. It couldn't come at a better time, because Kristin's best friend at school has been pulling back from Kristin. During family discussions about Prop 8, religion and life in general, we told Kristin that some people believe in God. I'm agnostic and explained that to her, and about respecting people's different choices. So, Kristin told us that she wants to believe what we believe. We just told her that she doesn't have to make up her mind right now.

So she apparently told her best friend that she didn't believe in God, and her best friend has been pulling back now, saying things like "I don't want to play with you, if you don't believe in God."

They are only 6 and to already be so close minded is sad. They were best friends for almost 2 years. What is this little girl going to do when she comes across a Muslim child or a Jewish child? They don't believe in Jesus. Her world is going to be very small, but people like that tend to prefer it that way, anyway.

So, school is ending, their being around each other will soon be over, and we are going to have a house full of kids who are open minded, some who believe and some who don't, but none care about each other's opinion. It just won't be brought up, it won't matter. They just want to play. And at 6 years old, that is as it should be.

--

Earlier this month, I won a contest at GreenDad's Blog. I won a video about gay dads and have donated it to Salinas Valley Equality, as one of the few pieces in our group's library. Thanks to Green Dad's Blog!

How our mind colors things for us

2009-05-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

Here is a great way you can teach your child about eyes and how we see color.

Stare at the dot in the middle of the picture during the countdown. If you stare only at it, then the image looks colored. But if you move your eyes, you will see the picture in black and white.

124 days into the year, want to talk about resolutions?

2009-05-04T13:55:00.001-07:00

How many resolutions have you been able to keep this year?

Back in January, I blogged about changing our diet to include less meat, and to have more frequent, smaller meals than the typical large 3 meals a day that I was raised on.

Last night we watched Diners, Drive-ins and Dives on the Food Network and after 4 months of modified dining habits, I was pretty shocked at what I saw. That show is pretty good at finding the unhealthiest and yet tantalizing food in the country. If I had seen that show a year ago, my mouth would have watered at all the gravy, melted cheese, heaping plates and fried foods I saw. I won't say it was repulsive to see (although if I look on down the road, I can see where it might repulsive to me someday), but as it stands now, seeing that food didn't set off any receptors in my brain.

One of the diners in the show (and I notice that 90% of them are overweight) had this huge plate of something in front of him and he commented "It's a stick to your ribs meal."

That's the kicker for me. I was used to a double quarter pounder with cheese for lunch, and then I wouldn't have to eat again until dinner. Now I can do one can of soup (servings: 2) and eat some tortilla chips a few hours later. It might not be perfect, but it's a far cry from the way I used to eat, and at least they aren't greasy chips.

I think the hardest part of modifying our diet has been portion control. I used to laugh at the nutrition labels. How many servings? Please. I'd eat 4 or possibly 6 servings of something, (and I've never been more than 20 pounds overweight. I know I'm sounding very obese here). But now I can eat much more reasonable portions, I just have to eat more frequently. Snacking on an apple isn't quite the stick to your ribs meal I was used to, but I'm getting used to it now. And the best part of the deal? Yes, I have more energy throughout the day. When you eat something heavy, you just want to sit there, because your body has to spend the energy digesting. I'm glad to say I'm free of that now.

When the 80's ruled the world

2009-04-24T22:40:00.001-07:00

I mentioned before, (I think), how frustrated I get with youtube. I'll do a search for a song and get 10 million results of live versions filmed with some jerking cell phone, or someone's karaoke version from their bedroom, done quietly because their parents are downstairs. Not exactly what I'm looking for.

So I found Imeem, which I've really gotten to love. The interface is great and the songs are album uploads. Some live versions, but not enough to overwhelm search results.

Long story short here, I'm moving my playlists over from youtube to Imeem and I just saw the channel views for my playlists, which I based on decade. If you ever wondered which decade had the best music, this should answer it. Here are my playlists and their channel views.

60's music videos.......8 views
70's music videos.......9 views
80's music videos.....609 views
90's music videos.....101 views
2000's music videos....41 views
Animation...............5 views
Broadway................6 views
Television..............3 views
Movie Soundtracks......11 views

Blogging as income

2009-04-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

I saw an article at the Huffington Post that stated that almost 1% of all Americans now earn their primary income blogging. There are more professional bloggers than there are firefighters in this country.

Well there is my part time work. That's what I need to do, because it's home based, and I could still homeschool and set my own hours. And I love to blog. I don't think Adamant Sun would go beyond what it is now though, just an online diary of a gay parent. But I can look into creating other blogs, perhaps food or gardening, or a life in the central valley type of blog. The idea is still percolating in my head, but I think this is the direction for me.

Do any of you make money on your blogs? Care to share any experiences, success stories or stories of failure?

Homeschooling

2009-04-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

So here is what we've decided. I'm going to look for part-time work, and starting in the fall make my primary focus homeschooling Kristin.

Right now, she is reading two grade levels higher than her current grade level, and she is the top scorer in everything in her class. She's not being challenged and it's making her rebellious. We had talked with the teacher about possibly advancing her to second grade but were advised against it, because there are still some things, like punctuation, for example, that she has yet to learn. She can read, but she can't tell you the reason for the quotations or comma.

Okay, that makes sense, she's not ready to advance a grade, we don't want to skip over anything but the class isn't moving fast enough for her. Because it must move (it seems) at the rate of the slowest child, she gets bored. I'm fairly confident that come the fall when I start to teach her second grade, by the end of the school year, we will be wrapping up third grade level stuff. I just think she can move that fast. I am not in any rush, so it's not me, it's just keeping up with her ability level. I'd like to learn different homeschooling methods, if I could teach some Montessori principles, that would be fantastic. Between now and the fall, I need to get some information on the scope of homeschooling.

Wild Things

2009-03-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

Saturday, Toney and I received training on how to be Triangle Speakers. While we were at the seminar, Kristin got to go to Wild Things, which is a ranch just outside of town where a bunch of Hollywood stars (animals) get to retire.

She got to meet the lions and monkeys that Disney used to make The Lion King (the animals that the animators used as models). There were also hyenas there, but if they were related to the hyenas in the movie, they were probably second generation.

Debating feeding the elephant.

Being cautious with the carrots.

That wasn't so bad!

Victims of the recession

2009-03-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

I'm officially unemployed today. My job is a victim of the recession and I just put my last paycheck into the bank.

It worries me, our way of life will drastically have to change. 1 in 5 people in Salinas are out of work, that's 20% of the town, almost twice the national average. Nobody is hiring.

I was contract/self-employed and since no one is hiring, I feel my best option is to start my own business. But I can't describe how monumental that feels, my career has stalled, and I feel too old to start over.

What I worry about most, of course, is Kristin.

I can weather this storm, we can get through this. But the future is very uncertain right now.

The tooth fairy must work for the Treasury Dept.

2009-03-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

Kristin lost another tooth last night, and while she was asleep we were looking around for some change for the tooth fairy, but we couldn't find any. It seems we use our debit card for most everything now and just found ourselves without any cash except a 10 dollar bill. This happened to us last time and we gave her a 5 dollar bill then. So now this morning Kristin is running around the house dancing and singing about how the tooth fairy gives out money in multiples of 5 and her next tooth should land her 15 bucks. I don't think even AIG executives were that lucky.

--

I think I'm going to give up on youtube. I like watching old music videos but the site has become worthless in its search results. A lot of music, they didn't make into videos and I'm okay with listening to the music while some still photograph or similar is shown. However, I'm getting too many results now of people doing karaoke versions of songs from their basement or live cellphone captures of a concert which just doesn't have the sound quality. I just can't find what I'm looking for on youtube anymore. The original video of older songs. Imeem seems to be a good free alternative. It's videoless, but at least it focuses on the original version of a song and not some tone deaf person doing a cover from their home webcam.

Seeing things only Time can show me

2009-03-02T21:40:00.000-08:00

The first years of Kristin's life, I had no idea what to expect in terms of peers. I can see now I was overly paranoid, thinking that every time someone couldn't do a playdate or when she wasn't invited to a party, that it was personal, an indictment of our family.

Kristin has friends who have intolerant parents, it's after school hours (playdates) that seem to be a no-no, but by now, (1st grade), she has other friends whose parents have no problem and so I don't care. She's not alone and that was my biggest fear. The last three years of school (two years of preschool and one year of kindergarten) have shown me that kids come and go, parents are busy and dismissive of other parents besides me (showing me that my fears of it being personal are unfounded). There's lots of parents of young kids out there who don't associate with other families. Oh, that sounds bad, but it's not because I realize it's a universal thing, families are just busy, mostly. Having never been through parenting before, I didn't know what to expect. I expected the worst.

I had nothing to fear, but of course I didn't know that at the time, now I can look back on it and see. We are all families in the same boat.

My life exposed

2009-02-26T23:11:00.000-08:00

Monday I sat on a human sexuality panel at the Monterey Peninsula College. Originally, it was supposed to be a gay man, a bi person, a transgendered and a lesbian. No bi person or transgendered responded to the invite and the lesbian was sick, so the instructor managed to get someone else and it ended up being me and another gay man, a professor from the Naval Academy in town.

I was nervous at first, I'm not a public speaker by any means, but I got to tell my life story, which I think people needed to hear. I say that, not for any vanity reason but because I experienced a lot of harassment, violence and discrimination in my life. In telling my story, I also told about how and why we became parents.

When I was finished, the professor spoke and his story was as a (former) military man and what it was like to be gay under Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Then the question/answer part began and the students got to ask us questions. I would say 80% or more of the questions were about parenting. Everybody wanted to know everything about gay parenting.

It was a good experience to let people know what life is like for a gay man, specifically what life was like from the 80's to now. How far we have come as a community in that time. In the 80's there were no gay/straight clubs in school, no domestic partnership registries, no civil unions, no protections. It wasn't until 2003 when the sodomy law was struck down that we were no longer considered criminals. We've come far as a community, and I think I've gotten to experience all ends of the spectrum in my life, the closet, a wild life, depression and a downward spiral all the way to being a married suburban dad. Something that wouldn't have been considered possible for someone like me just 25 years ago.

It was good to speak of it all, and it was good to answer any questions people had. I sit on another panel again, the first week in March.

Two great blasts from the past come forward

2009-02-17T11:48:00.001-08:00

Two great blasts from the pasts to note.

First, this year is the 30th anniversary of Heart's Dog and Butterfly album.

The Las Vegas Sun reports:

The band is doing special events to mark the 30th anniversary of its classic album “Dog & Butterfly,” and the Wilsons are writing and illustrating a children’s book to honor the album.

I'm looking forward to that! What a great way to introduce Kristin to a classic album.

The second blast from the past comes from the old show Hair. Do you remember the lyrics to Age of Aquarius?

When the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planet, and love will steer the stars. This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

Well, apparently this past Valentines day, Feb. 14th, 2009, was actually when the moon was in the 7th house and Jupiter was aligned with Mars.

I don't actually follow astrology, but did read that. Perhaps now, we are actually entering a new Age.

Uncertainty ahead

2009-02-08T21:12:00.000-08:00

I think I'm going to end up on the unemployment line. The COO of the company I work for is new and slashing things within the company right and left. I need to submit a proposal on Monday or Tuesday, stating why they should continue to do business with me and offer them a new arrangement. But given how the meeting went last week, I know his mind is already made up.

This has been on my mind a lot lately. Is anybody else being affected by the recession?
I hear some people on the news saying it's not a recession anymore but a depression.

Kristin's friend is going to be homeschooled next year, because he just isn't being challenged in class and we feel the same for Kristin, and Toney would like for me to homeschool her next year. There is no way we can absorb the loss of my income though, so I don't know what's going to happen.

Affection

2009-01-22T10:48:00.001-08:00

I can remember when I was growing up, in the mornings my mom would usually be in her bathroom getting ready for the day, and as we went out the front door to head off to school, we would turn our head and shout, "We're leaving!". Then off we'd go. I never doubted, or even thought for a moment that mom didn't love me. It was just the way of the morning. No goodbye hugs or kisses. Maybe we shouted I love you to each other, I don't even recall.

I'm the same way on the phone with my family. Sometimes when we hang up, we say goodbye and I love you, but we don't always. One of my sisters I talk to every day or two and it just would seem odd to me to say I love you so often. But if I talk with them about something emotional, or we share something important to us, then the phone calls usually end in I love you's. But not if the phone call is just to find out something like how an appointment went that day or what are you having for dinner, that type of conversation.

Toney always insists on a hug and kiss goodbye as Kristin heads off to school. Then I also notice that her class (and ONLY her class), gives the teacher a hug everyday. The classroom is in one of those prefabricated buildings, so there is a ramp up to the door. Everyday after school, as I am there to pick her up, I see the class file in a single line on the ramp. This is the only class that does this. Then the teacher walks to the front of the line and gives everyone a hug goodbye. Some kids run around her, so she doesn't enforce or require the hug, but it's there for those who want it. Kristin waits in line for it everyday.

However, when I walk her to school in the morning, as we approach the school grounds, she will grab her stuff from me and run off saying "I can go the rest of the way." No hugs goodbye, no kisses. I think I'm more aware of it now, than when I was a child, because I see now all the hugging and kissing going on around me. I'm not affectionateless mind you, I am the one who stays with her while she does her teeth, bathes her, washes her hair, brushes her hair, climbs into bed with her at bedtime and reads her a story and then I hug and kiss her goodnight. I do always vocalize my love. I would like to think I am a good counterbalance to the affection she gets all day, I think too much lovey dovey all day can make a needy person. Perhaps I'm just trying to convince myself I'm doing the right thing though. Sometimes I wonder, because she's a girl does she need more affection than boys? And then I wonder if that is a misogynistic thing for me to wonder.

Kristin also likes to snuggle with Papi in the bed. I'm the one who usually has to put my foot down about bed space. I never slept with my parents, there were 4 of us kids, it just wasn't logistically possible, and while I'm not against it, per se, there just isn't room for such a large child in our bed anymore. We often wake up through the night, fighting over covers or me getting hit in the face by a moving fist or thrashing foot. Toney now agrees with me that she needs to stay in her own bed, but she still tries to bargain a snuggle every now and then. Of course that is okay. I know she knows I love her, I tell her all the time. It's just that I'm not a snuggler or an overly touchy-feely person, at least compared to those around me. I never have been. Toney mentioned it many times during our relationship, he got used to it, and Kristin is used to it as well, since it is all she has known. But I always wonder, how much is too much or too little?

On the farm

2009-01-14T14:26:00.001-08:00

Resolutions

2009-01-12T09:02:00.000-08:00

So far, I've been doing pretty good with my resolutions. Every year I get real psyched about them early on, but by summer, some of the more challenging resolutions have fallen by the wayside. I'm hoping to break that cycle this year.

Now that I'm in my mid 40's, heartburn is getting to be a bad problem. Caffeine seems to be partly responsible, so one of my resolutions is to change our diet. There are lots of reasons why I want to change our diet though, not just the ever increasing heartburn. We withdrew Kristin from ballet this week, she wanted to be a ballerina, but she just didn't want to practice, she viewed it as work. She likes to play on the computer, watch tv, or when she plays with her toys, it's usually barbies or dolls and she will sit there and play with them. She does little physical activity. When we "force" her to go outside and play, she will only run around for a bit, then she's eager to come back inside. We figure we all need to get up, get out and get more active this year, and changing diet is the best way to begin that.

I'm definitely a meat eater, I love bacon and eggs for breakfast, burgers for lunch, roasts or steaks for dinner, and that's how I've been my whole life, every meal must have a large portion of meat. I want to try and make meatless dinners about 3 times a week now. There's just no way I can cut it out completely.

I also read about people, who really work on being fit, eat every 3 hours or so. My body has been geared towards 2-3 big meals a day. Kristin is a grazer and likes to eat something every few hours. I've been trying to get her to get on the 3 meal a day schedule, since that seems to be what society is customized for. I'm thinking now, that we need to change our eating habits to be like her, rather than the other way around.

I'm taking these changes slowly so they will stick. These dramatic lifestyle changing resolutions are the ones that tend to fall by the wayside. I really don't want that to happen with this, so I'm making the changes as gradual as possible.

We made a deal with her, and in order to drop out of ballet, she enrolled in swimming. I'm betting that she will enjoy that and it will encourage exercise. She also got a larger bike for Christmas, from Santa, since she outgrew her last one. We are going to try and bike as a family several times a week. Most of the kids in the neighborhood are always on their bikes. There are kids her age who are already abandoning their training wheels. She won't really get on her bike and ride around, unless her daddies do it too. So, we're going to do it too. Somehow, I will find the way to encourage this child to get out and play.

Christmas Break

2008-12-19T08:48:00.001-08:00

Kristin learned about voting this past election. She has decided that she wants everybody in this house to vote on whether I need to find the time to get on the treadmill. She votes yes.

--

We're wrapping up the first week of her three week Christmas break and so far it has gone dreadfully slow. We had a plumbing issue that required plumbers under the house replacing pipes. That took two days with no water. Now the satellite (tv) has been down for three days. Dish Network set up a window from noon to 5 one day, when the guy would be out, but he didn't show up until after 7. It was too dark for him to see outside, so he made arrangements to come back the next day between noon to 5. Between this and the plumbers, this has stuck Kristin and I at the house for days and with no tv to boot. Tis the season.

--

One of the aftereffects of Prop 8, is that Toney and I have reconnected with the community. We've joined Salinas Valley Equality, which is a group that formed due to Prop 8. Toney and I have donated the website (we built, fund and maintain it). It's great to be involved in the community again.

We had a protest at Cinemark Theaters (they donated to Prop 8 and also refuse to show Milk in this town), although we missed that protest, and tomorrow there is a silent candlelight vigil to protest loss of rights, that we will be attending. We've hosted a meeting or two (I'm not sure if some of those were official), and I look forward to this coming year and seeing (I hope) our community become organized, effective and efficient in reaching people in this area and achieving equality.

Can't We All Just Get Along? An Open Request to the President-elect.

2008-12-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

We were sitting down to dinner yesterday, and discussing the days events, as we often do, when I mentioned to Toney that Mattel won their lawsuit against MGA Entertainment, and the ruling would eventually cause Bratz dolls to be taken off the market.

This became very distressing to Kristin, and it's been on her mind for the last 24 hours. She came up with the solution at the table, that Barbie and the Bratz dolls should work together and not fight.

Today she asked me if we could call President(elect) Obama and get him to make them get along. We can use this house as an example. The Barbies and the Bratz dolls in this house play together and do not fight.

We told her not to worry, our suspicion is that Mattel will end up owning Bratz dolls and so they will ultimately live together anyway. She wants the President to make them get along now though.

So I told her I would send a note to the President asking for his help. So here is an open letter to the President, you have your work cut out for you. Make Barbie and Bratz get along this Christmas. The next generation is counting on you.

Google Maps - Street View

2008-12-02T22:13:00.000-08:00

If you look at the google maps street view of our house, and you position the camera in the center of the nearest intersection and swing the camera around to our house, you can see me walking on the sidewalk, going to meet Kristin after school.

If you move the camera one position in any direction though, I'm not there anymore, which means they must have updated some positions but not others? I can spend hours looking at Google Maps Street View. If I go look at busier streets like Main Street, I can recognize familiar cars. If I Google Map Kristin's school, there's a car driving by that belongs to the person a few doors down, that type of thing.

All I Want For Christmas Is....

2008-11-30T15:03:00.001-08:00

Protesting and blogging

2008-11-19T16:10:00.001-08:00

We marched in the rally on the 14th, I hope everybody did on behalf of all gay families.

It was actually very convenient for us. Kristin's ballet class is right across the street from city hall. She got out of class at 10:45 and the protests started at 10:30. Toney went to the protest and Kristin and I just crossed the street to join him 15 minutes later. We marched down the street waving our signs and went by the farmers market and to the Steinbeck Center and then back to city hall.

The night before, we explained to Kristin what a rally was, and gave her an idea of what the whole issue was about. She knows now that not everybody accepts diverse families. She took a piece of paper that night and put her whole name on it, and made a rainbow blob. (She just likes rainbows, it's a coincidence, we haven't told her of it's significance to the gay community). She walked around waving the sign saying "No on 8, Stop the Hate, Arack Obama!"

We were on the local news during the rally, on CBS and Fox, although we were in the background and didn't speak.

It made us realize how out of touch we are with our community and how we'd like to change that.

I'd like to purchase a domain name for my blog and update it with some better blogging software, I don't know which is the best, but it seems that when I search via labels with this one (for recipes), it doesn't return complete results. So there seems to be some glitches. I created this blog so people could get to know this gay family and hopefully not discriminate against gay families anymore. But as Kristin got older, my blogging died down, and while I don't think the blame certainly falls on me for that, this last election made me realize I need to step it up and get back into the blogging game. My problem is lack of direction. We're a really boring family and there isn't much to write about daily. Maybe I should get back into recipes and we can become the Food Network type of gay dads or something. If you look at my blogroll, everybody has a niche. The book dads, the traveling dads, the dads of fully grown children, the dads going through adoptions, the activist moms, the foster moms, small town life moms. We're just kind of the homebodies with nothing to say. Kristin started ballet and after one class, she wants to drop out. It's too much effort for her. Stretching is like more homework she complains. We paid for it, so she's not dropping out for awhile, but it gives you a good idea of how she wants to spend her time.

Somehow I think blogging as the most boring family isn't the way to go.

We got married last Thursday

2008-11-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Toney and I got married Thursday. Initially, we decided it didn't matter if we got married, we're registered with the state as domestic partners, but Kristin came home about a week or so ago and said that someone in the class told her that two guys can't get married. At least for now, that isn't true.

We pondered it and decided that we should get married for her. Not to take away from the special moment between us, but we've been together 20+ years, there's nothing a marriage can give us at this point, on an emotional level that the two of us don't already share. However, for Kristin's behalf we wanted her to be able to say her daddies are married, when the children of bigots confront her in the future.

It was a sweet ceremony, there were about 10 friends attending. If I can get pics online I will. I hope that when (if - although it's likely) the bigots repeal marriage in three days, that our marriage will be 'grandfathered' in. I can't believe people would steal the protections of a family from our family. It's just hard to blog about this stuff right now. Those who would take marriage from us would take basic legal protections from our child. I just don't know what to say to that right now.

Prop. 8

2008-10-15T14:06:00.001-07:00

It looks like Prop. 8, the ban on gay marriage will probably pass here in liberal California. It doesn't make much sense, opponents of gay marriage keep saying it's about the children, but being denied marriage doesn't stop people from creating families. It just denies the children basic rights and benefits. To me, that would seem to run counter to what Jesus would want.

One of life's great mysteries

2008-10-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

Has anybody ever figured out, at what point in your life, you go from having too much time to having no time at all?

Jump Start World

2008-10-01T22:25:00.001-07:00

Kristin is obsessed with Jump Start World. It's definitely worth looking into, it makes learning fun for her.

You buy the software and you get this little character that runs around a 3D world like a video game, but everything is a puzzle related to learning. You get a monthly subscription and when they go through the 100 missions/challenges in the game, more gets automatically downloaded to your computer, expanding their 3d world. There are 12 subscription packages per grade level, which I assume they are supposed to go through on a monthly basis. Kristin can go through a package in about 4 or 5 days. But I expect that to slow down soon as the challenges are now getting tougher for her. There is a different world for each grade level, I guess up to grade 12.

Her scores/results on the puzzles are uploaded to their website (which contains even more games and challenges) and then get emailed to Toney and I. We can also log onto the site and check out her scores, or put in secret messages that show up in this huge blimp that travels around her world. This really is great software, she will play it for hours at a time, and gets a little pad and paper and tries to solve math problems or identify which out of a group of pictures, start with "ch", things like that. It's definitely worth the cost.

Purebred vs. Mongrel

2008-09-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not having much luck housebreaking the new puppy. One thing I've noticed though, is the difference in intellect between the lab and the chihuahua/terrier mix. I don't know how much of it is due to the breeds or due to the fact that the lab is purebred and the chihuahua is a mix (is the correct term mongrel?).

Our yellow lab who passed away earlier this year would have been smarter than this puppy but not as smart as the purebred lab, which makes me wonder that it's the breeding that makes all the difference.

If I was going to put these dogs on a scale of 1-10 in terms of smarts, the black lab (purebred) would be a 10, the yellow lab would have been about a 7, and this poor chihuahua puppy tops out at about a 4.

The puppy watches my hands, watches my feet, the lab watches my eyes and my face. I just can't even begin to describe the difference. The lab, during training, would pick up on things very quickly, even if she didn't follow all your rules, you could tell she knew the rules and was just deciding to disobey them. This puppy isn't getting the message though at all. In terms of housebreaking, or chewing things or stealing food out of the lab's mouth, whatever the case may be, the repetition that I have to go through to get him to learn something is incredibly tedious.

We're bonding, but I think from now on, any future puppies, I'm only going to allow purebreds in this house.

Got a new puppy

2008-09-17T14:27:00.001-07:00

I am having no luck with baked fries. I've followed recipes to a T, and the fries will stick to the cookie sheet or foil and rip in half when I try to pick them up, every time. I've used parchment paper, no-stick cooking spray, foil, coated the fries in oil, whatever the recipe calls for, I've tried it all, and cannot get them to not stick to the sheet. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

We got a chihuahua/terrier mix a little over a week ago. A puppy we rescued from the SPCA. He still isn't housebroken, although we are making good progress. He was a birthday gift to Kristin. We've been wanting to get a new dog ever since our yellow lab passed away last February. We went to the equestrian show and the SPCA had a booth there with some dogs in a cage. That got us to swing by the SPCA on our way home to look at more dogs. Kristin fell in love with a few, but this little puppy was the one that was actually available for adoption. When all the dogs in the pound would go haywire, jumping and barking, he didn't really react to that or add to the barking. Toney really liked that aspect, our black lab is hyper enough, we need a more sedate dog to accompany her. I think he's pretty calm for a chihuahua mix, although he does the typical puppy behavior of darting everywhere and chewing everything. The two dogs have taken to each other already and spend all their time together.

Late August

2008-08-25T16:19:00.000-07:00

Stupid product of the year: Scented markers. Toney got these for Kristin and at first neither one of us made a realization about them. So I comment, "Oh, scented markers" and then go in the kitchen. When I come back in the living room, Kristin is sniffing the markers intensely by holding them up to her nose. Scented markers encourage marker sniffing. A dumb product if you ask me.

----

Kristin has a piggy bank outside her door. Whenever her door is shut, you have to put money in, before you can open the door. Most kids just want you to knock. She wants cash.

----

We went camping last week at Big Basin. I'll have to blog pictures. We stayed for 5 days, which is pretty good for a kid as young as Kristin. But she loved it, she got to see raccoons, chipmunks, different birds, and all sorts of critters and insects up close. The redwoods were beautiful, we got to walk through the trees (literally thru them) and see trees with a 100 foot diameter. It was a great family vacation. She didn't really start to crave home until the 4th night, and we left early on the 5th day, so it worked out perfectly. I think we also had the best campsite there.

----

It's back to school! Yea! And I've got her birthday party to organize and prepare for. This means technically that summer is over and we are heading into fall, even though the actual date is still a month away.

The Boyfriend

2008-08-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

We went to dinner Saturday night at Kristin's "boyfriend's" house. He has Aspergers. It's odd, her best friend from school was autistic and now another good friend has Aspergers. He did scream quite a bit at the dinner, it was stressful for him, but Kristin's presence at times also seemed to calm him. His parents said she 'soothed the savage beast'. A lot of his toys, even his siblings can't touch, but he would have no problem when Kristin would just pick something up. He has a twin, who does not have Aspergers. What that means, in terms of the condition, I don't know, but his twin is a girl and so Kristin takes to them both real well.

It's puzzling that America doesn't seem more concerned about autism or Aspergers Syndrome, it seems to be so prevalent. I think if, within a generation or two, there was such a rapid increase in the number of cases of something else, there would be more of an alarm. What is causing this to happen?

I am glad that we have people to associate with and that Kristin has playmates. We have to teach her though, that sometimes the behavior these kids do is not acceptable for her to do. It's hard to explain this to her, at her age. Toney told me after the dinner how lucky we are. We do realize that and appreciate it. She soothes and bonds with these kids in a way other classmates don't.

Summer Days

2008-07-24T22:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, a month since my last post. This summer keeps us busy. I just haven't had time to blog. Kristin's gotten to go bowling, camp out back overnight, swim, have lots of playdates at the park...we've just been busy with summer. I'm having a garage sale Saturday and I've been busy getting things ready for that.

I will be kind of glad when summer is over, I know we are to enjoy these moments when they are young, it's fleeting and goes by too fast, people say. I appreciate that, but it is difficult trying to keep this child busy all day. When she doesn't have anything to do, she sits there complaining there's nothing to do. I'll tell her to play with her toys, go outside and play, do her computer games, anything, but she will just sit there and sigh.. "no, I just don't know what to do." And then she doesn't do anything. For awhile, I tried to help her find something to do, but after awhile, I'd give up. Use your imagination, find something to do and entertain yourself. It's hard to do at age 5, I understand that.

I read Obama's kids keep busy. One of them has soccer, dance, drama, piano and tennis and the other girl has gymnastics, tap, piano and tennis.

If you think about that, it really gives the kid no time to play. The girls have school about 8 hours a day, then when you have 5 programs going on, and you have to practice your dance routine, practice your piano recital, practice for your play or tennis match, that's another several hours a day of practice, AND you have homework AND you have your household chores, when does the child get to just play with dolls, ride a bike or take it easy? There were Montessori parents I knew who did that. I remember asking them for playdates at the park, but they said no, their kids had no time for that. I thought that was sad.

And here we are, at the other end of the spectrum. I need to get her some activity. The dance class isn't for a few more months and the soccer class is too far away. We're going camping in August and the swimming classes are at the same time, so that's out too. So she stays at home this summer, unless I can get her out to the park, out on a playdate or we go do something together. There's two extremes I see, too much to do and in our case, not enough to do. I'd like to find the middle ground.

Life is change, really

2008-07-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

We're now a few weeks in to the summer and it is back to the way it was before, just Kristin and I all day.

Her friend, that came over after school, has gone to spend the summer with grandmother. While I miss having someone around for Kristin to play with, truthfully two girls that age were a handful and required more of my time than just Kristin alone. Mediating is a full time job at this age. If they fight over something, you might think that a simple flip of the coin will resolve it, but then they both want to be heads. You get that resolved and then they both want to flip the coin, and you get that resolved and then there is pushing and shoving to be the first to see it as it lands. Every step of the way is just a painful tug of war. Now there would be times, sometimes entire hours where they would get along perfectly, but mostly it was just constant power struggles and I don't actually lament that we are back to just Kristin and myself during the days this summer.

The huge difference between two kids in the house vs. one, is profound enough that for the first few weeks of the summer, I was a little off balance, feeling out of routine. Kristin, of course, adapted pretty quickly, although she still talks about sharing rules she thinks up, or things to do, that she will do when "X" comes back over. I tell her, that she's gone for the summer, but at that age, I don't know how deep that sinks in. She still talks about her coming over.

The sudden change around here, back to relative peacefulness, has made me reflect on all the people who come and go. Except for family, people always come and go from my life at some point. My best friends from my school years, I have lost all contact with. When I think back to when I was growing up and remember my parents socializing, there came a point in their life, when all contact with previous friends just ceased. The reasons would be varied, but outside of family, for all of us, there was no permanence. I had school friends, but after school we went our ways. I had friends from work, but when the job was over, the similarity/bond was over, and so on. My sister has a friend from high school, and they are in their 30's now, and still connecting so that might be a friendship for life, but beyond that one, I have no experience of permanence in relationships outside of family.

In the middle of July, Kristin has a birthday party to attend. It is her 'boyfriend' from school (his claim). I haven't spoken with them, we got the invitation on the last day of school and I R.S.V.P.'d by telephone message. It will be a nice reconnection for her in the middle of the summer. I don't know if he will be in her 1st grade. I don't know if the girl who came over, every day after school, will be in her 1st grade either. I can't help but wonder of all the people that will come and go in her life. There are so many, I know, because there were so many for me. Who will be her prom date? Who will be her first date? How many girls will be at her first slumber party? Where will they be 15 years later?

Sometimes I think of stuff like this, and no, I'm not stoned. There's going to be a lot of people coming in and going out of her life, through the years ahead. It's that way for everybody. I find comfort in knowing that I (we) get to be her ground.

Castles and Fires

2008-06-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

Kristin playing. She set up her castle and wanted to take a picture of it for Papi.

This is ash from the Santa Cruz fires covering everything. It is all over the patio, the cars, everything. We are in no danger from the fires, but the smoke and ash blocked out the sun for most of the day and make it seem like it's snowing.

Thumbs down for Debbie Meyers Green Bags

2008-06-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

You've seen the commercials for those green bags that are supposed to keep your fruits and vegetables fresh several times longer than normal?

They don't work. I put an eggplant in one and two days later it had fuzzy mold all over it. The instructions say the bags are not to get wet and if they do (if the fruit or veggies perspire) to wipe them out. I put strawberries in a bag and they sweated so bad they turned to mush in two days. My tomatoes rotted in the bag in 5 days.

Do NOT buy this product.

Summer Camps

2008-06-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

There's a good article at MSNBC about summer camps for kids.

It includes a link to My Summer Camps, which is a listing of over 18,000 camps for kids! Definitely worth bookmarking.

The 3rd Annual Blogging for LBGT Families Day

2008-06-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time for the 3rd annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day, so here goes.

Most regular readers already know us. We are two dads and a 5 year old girl.

I originally created this blog as a way to just put our family life down in an online diary. Not surprisingly, life takes up so much time, I seldom have time to blog anymore. I babysit one of my daughter's classmates for about 6 hours a day, so it keeps my hands full. I thought perhaps some of the time they could play together in her room and then I could get stuff done. Anybody with more than one child knows it doesn't work out that way though.

Summer is coming up and I look forward to teaching our daughter how to swim this year, and also enroll her in ballet class or soccer, her interest between the two seems to switch frequently.

We are in California and my partner and I will probably get married, although we will wait until after Nov. just to make sure the voters don't amend the Constitution. I can't imagine anything more frustrating than to finally get something only to have it stripped away again. Since we've been together almost 24 years, we feel that emotionally we are as married as we can get, so for us it would just be about the rights and privileges. I would like some new ceremony though, someday, just so our daughter can experience a family-affirming experience. From some of her classmate's parents we are already encountering bigotry and it is upsetting to know that in this day and age in this country, adults would subject a kindergartener to such bigotry and deprive them of friends because of intolerance. These bumps along life's path aside, I know that our community will continue to move forward and make progress as time goes by.

Back down on a more individual level, we just keep chugging forward and trying to make ends meet, just like every other family out there.

Kristin's first sleepover

2008-05-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

Well, let's see, it's 12:43 a.m. on Friday night.

Kristin is having her first sleepover, here. She's stayed overnight at other places, but this is the first time it's been here. And they're still awake. 5 year olds, and it's 12:48 now. (I had to pause writing this paragraph, hence the 5 minute delay between paragraphs because they stormed in here fighting and crying).

...I think they are down now for the night. I hope so anyway. Apparently this fight was over covers.

This sleepover has been a good reminder to me as to what's important. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in things, work or the dynamics of adulthood, that it takes moments like this to snap me back down to where I need to be.

Toney's passed out on the couch. He didn't even try sleeping in our bedroom because it's adjacent to Kristin's room and if there wasn't a book reading or play kitchen scenario going on in there, there was a pillow fight. So he just crashed out in the living room. I'm in the office reading, working on this puzzle we've had forever and surfing. I've got the night and he'll have to handle breakfast because I'm sleeping in.

It's been a good night though, Kristin's first sleepover, she'll look back on fondly. They had ice cream and cheetos after 9 pm. Gasp. They had fun. We'll work on getting the sleep schedule back in the next day or two.

Summer, Fish and Links

2008-05-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

We didn't do much for Memorial Day, but we did go to a shopping center in Monterey and a dog beach in Carmel. Clearly there is no recession going on in those places.

We did find a great store, REI, (Recreational Equipment, Inc.) with some good stuff for camping. I imagine we will be shopping there a lot this summer.

11 school days left. I was going to enroll Kristin in swimming lessons this summer, but we just got our family reunion scheduled at the lakehouse and it's right in the middle of the lessons. So I guess I will try and teach her myself at the municipal pool early this summer.

I'm still working on our menu, we are going to eat more meatless meals, more seafood, and more fruits and vegetables this summer. When I was growing up, my family then (parents, sisters, etc.) always ate 'hearty' meals and we never had consequences. For some reason, now my family (Toney and I) are. With my high triglycerides and his diabetes, some lethargy, maybe even his kidney stones related to diet, it's like 'what is going on here'? I didn't think we were eating THAT bad.

Here are some good links for places to find the safest fish.
The Marine Stewardship Council list of seafood grown in safe fisheries.

Which seafood to buy, where and why, at www.seafoodwatch.org.

Fish rated by contaminants.

Never Enough Time

2008-05-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

Kristin has more toys than most kids she knows, yet they will still fight over a doll the size of her thumb. They've destroyed the garden, trash the house daily, fight, play, fight, play. Every other day, I try to take them somewhere, just to get them out of the house, it's all a full job, but I think the hardest thing of all, in regards to running a family, is losing time.

The battles have gotten easier to deal with, now that I'm getting experience at it. It's just that it takes so much time to run a family, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to go find more work/clients, when I can't even get all the work I have to do already, done in any given day.

I try to get the house cleaned up by 8:00 a.m. so that I won't have to spend any daytime doing housework (never succeeded yet). I am trying to spend the daytime drumming up more work. Once school is out, I'm not sure how I'm going to continue doing that.

Meals can still be haphazard based on what inventory I have, and I'm trying to come up with a system that includes good meals, yet something I know picky eaters will eat. It's time consuming. The cost of food rising is forcing us to try and grow more vegetables and I need to try to go back to making my own breads, and things from scratch since it is cheaper than buying stuff already made. It's so time consuming.

Rising gas prices require me to drive less, so when we go to the park, I will pull them in the wagon. It took 3 minutes to drive to the park, it takes about 15 to walk. That's 30 minutes extra lost every time we go to the park. That 30 minutes has to come from somewhere.

My daily to-do list runs anywhere from 20-28 things per day. I am lucky if I accomplish 5-8.

There has to be a better way to organize my day. Sometimes I think I over organize/schedule, but I get absolutely nothing done if I just wing it.

Shake Your Salt Shaker

2008-05-08T11:17:00.001-07:00

It's been interesting to see the transformation in Kristin over the last few weeks, now that she has someone to play with all day.

I always used to blog about how good she was, and it wasn't an exaggeration, she was really a little angel with just a few temper tantrums here and there. Well, now, with a peer around all day, she's more...um...normal.

She cut her bangs a few days ago and yesterday she decided to pretend that the salt shaker was a magic wand, and she picked it up, just minutes after I finished mopping and waved it all around the dining room coating the table, computer equipment and the floor in salt.

I did scold her for it, but didn't really punish her. When I told Toney about it in the evening, even he said 'kids will be kids'. While she knows it's wrong and to not do it again, at the same time, I'm grateful to see her acting more like her peers, even after I just get done mopping.

She got in more trouble for lying about cutting her bangs (I don't know how it happened, Daddy), than for actually chopping her hair into chunks. Stuff happens.

Tracking Inventory

2008-04-27T10:29:00.001-07:00

Usually, in any given day I will have 20-30 things on my todo list and I NEVER get them all done. I'm always trying to find the way to best organize my time but it seems to be an unsolvable mystery right now.

Another thing I've been working on, with moderately more success, is keeping an inventory of all foods. Basically, I've created an Excel spreadsheet and everytime I get home from the grocery story, I just jot the items in it, along with expiration date. I don't really bother with the quantity. Just "tuna, Oct. 2010" for example. Then I sort the columns by the expiration date and the ones at the top are the items to use in recipes first. It's pretty simple and it helps to ensure no waste.

If only my daily schedule could be so easy. I've got a menu planner, and while I use that to keep track of menus, it also has an inventory function but it actually takes too much time to navigate through it.

The Dentist, the Parent and the Battle of Evermore

2008-04-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

I went to the dentist today for the first time in a year or so. I had blogged about my bad experience with the last dentist, where I ended up complaining to the Better Business Bureau (which ended up siding with the dentist). That dentist told me I had periodontal disease, 17 cavities and basically had a whole list of things that needed to be done.

After enough time went by so that my anger at the dental industry was about over, I went to this new dentist today. He looked in my mouth and said, "It all looks good. I don't see any cavities or signs of gum disease." (And I had NOT told him about my experience with the previous dentist).

It made me so mad at the first dentist all over again. He is scamming people out of unnecessary work. And of course the BBB which is a business itself, will favor the business over the consumer. It's frustrating. There should be a way for customers to protect ourselves from unscrupulous businesses. But who can go to multiple dentists for second opinions? I don't know of any insurance who would allow that.

--

Kristin had a playdate a few weeks back, and then went to the girl's birthday party. At the party, the mom talked about their church. Since I'm a gay parent, I never know if it is subtlety letting us know of their religious beliefs, or if it is simply something they would talk about with anybody.

Well, I called their house almost two weeks ago to arrange another playdate, and left a message. I have had no return call. That tells me what I need to know, doesn't it? It's sad because they are classmates and good friends, but apparently it will only be in the classroom.

I know when you are at this age, friendships come and go alot, based on parents schedules and things out of the kids control, but it is dismaying to see the children punished because of the intolerance of the parent.

Thankfully, Kristin has another playmate who now comes home with us every day after school and so isn't really aware of what's possibly happened.

--

Speaking of which, we are on day 3 of this arrangement and the fighting has been fierce. While working in the kitchen I can hear from her bedroom, "I hate you!" "You're not coming to my birthday party!" "You always have to have it your way!" "Don't touch that!"

I go in there and try to mediate during the more heated moments, and have even had to separate them for awhile. To a large degree, they should try to work it out and not always have someone intervene, but sometimes it gets out of hand. Right now, they are playing with the Polly Pocket Hot Wheels track, except the Polly Pocket Hot Wheels cars are somewhere in Kristin's room and neither one of them wants to be the one to 'break down' and go find them, so they are just sort of running their fingers along the track.

An allday playmate

2008-04-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Starting Monday, a classmate of Kristin's will be coming home with us and staying here until her mom gets off work at 5:30. This is fantastic because Kristin has sorely needed someone to play with, for a long time. It is very hard raising a single kid and not falling victim to having the tv become a babysitter. Her attention span is still about 30 minutes or so, so it's constantly a chore finding stuff for her to do, or encouraging her to find something to do all day.

I know that having a playmate over all afternoon 5 days a week, it's only a matter of time before the 'sibling' type of battles begin, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. After 5 years of feeling guilty because I can't play with her all day, I'm really looking forward to this change.

Birthday presents and teeth

2008-04-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

I had my birthday recently, and Kristin has been wanting sno-cones very, very bad. So when Papi took her out to get my birthday present, she picked a sno-cone maker. And who says birthdays aren't for the kids, heehee.

We've been making sno-cones, they are remarkably easy. Also tonight, I dug out what she gave me for my LAST birthday...the ice cream maker, and used it for the first time tonight, after dusting it off quite thoroughly. It was a bit like a slushie but will harden up in the freezer I think. The taste of it was perfect vanilla ice cream, so I'll be using that quite a bit this summer. She loved it too.

I did get myself some books for my birthday and hope to catch up on some reading this summer.

She's made a new friend and we've had several playdates this week, and a birthday party at the park today.

A few weeks back, she stayed at a friends house late into the night while Papi and I went to a company dinner. The sitter commented on how well she brushed her own teeth, "what good form she had, it was actually quite scary." Her kids apparently weren't as far along in their own teeth brushing skills. And about a week ago, Kristin had a dentist appt., and they commented on how well her teeth were, and what a good job I was doing. I didn't mention to them that I haven't brushed her teeth in a long, long time. Because I know I'm supposed to be the one doing it until they are 6 or 7.

I brushed her teeth from the time they came in, until she was about 3 or 3 and a half. Then I made her do it. I stood right there beside her, instructing her, encouraging her and making sure it was done right, for about 6 months. By the time she was 4, I pretty much just put the toothpaste on her brush, set the egg timer and walked out of the room. And her teeth are perfect, her skills at brushing are apparently advanced, so maybe this whole concept about kids not being able to do it until they are 6 or 8 isn't entirely accurate.

We talked about the consequences and that you only get one set of adult teeth and I've held the brush while she held it, so she can get a feel of how it goes, but she's done it for so long now, and so very well, it's proof to me that when you assume someone can do something, you expect them to do it, and you've made sure they understand how, then you don't have to worry about it, and it gets done.

Quiet time before the Easter Bunny visits

2008-03-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

This week Kristin has been on spring break and sick, (we've all been sick), so it has been keeping me busy. Today she had a birthday party to attend and then we had to paint the Easter eggs tonight.

--

We did get two months of Showtime free recently and watched an episode of the Tudors. (It's a series about Henry the VIII). We liked it enough to download the whole first season and are now watching it. I realize the show is fiction, but the one thing that strikes out at me is that in all this time, cultures and customs may change but human interaction doesn't.

--

I want to get Nancy Drew on DVD so that Kristin can watch it in a few years. Has anybody seen it? I'd like to know if it's good.

She has the old animation of Horton Hears a Who and has watched that several times, I thought it might be fun to take her to see the new one soon.

She still watches Elmo for 'comfort' I think. She's gone on to SpongeBob, Fairly OddParents, Camp Lazlo and a few other cartoons, and when I talk with the kids at school, they tell me they've seen Pirates of the Caribbean or Spiderman, which I think might be a bit much for a kindergartener, but it gives me perspective. However, when she is in trouble, or wants to feel comforted for whatever reason, she wants me to put the Elmo videos in. I suppose it is the equivalent of another kid still sucking their thumb at this age.

An Amazing Story

2008-03-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

One interesting story my dad told me.

He's a pediatrician and there was this family who adopted children with special needs he knew about. They had 14 kids and one of the children was a 5 year old Chinese boy with Down Syndrome. They had adopted him at 3 months, from China.

When my dad first met the boy, at 5 years old, his parents told him that the boy wasn't learning English but was just babbling all the time. They thought it was the Down Syndrome. In the waiting room, there was a Chinese man who recognized the boy was Chinese too, and he knelt down to speak with the boy. The boy immediately responded.

He wasn't babbling for the first 5 years of his life, he was speaking Chinese! And he had only heard the language for the first 3 months of his life and hadn't heard it since. Yet he was able to speak and communicate in Chinese (but wasn't picking up English).

It's an amazing example of the mysteries of the human mind. They ended up moving to be near a university so the boy could be studied further.

Visiting Parents

2008-03-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

I've never heard back from my client on my request for a renegotation of my contract, yet late last week he gave me some work to do. I guess this means it is back on me. Take it as is, or find some other work and then give notice. I choose the latter.

My dad and stepmom just left today, they were visiting this weekend and we took them to the aquarium for the second time. They said they wanted to do whatever Kristin wanted, and that's what happens when you let a 5 year old dictate everybody's weekend. We all had a good time though and it was like Christmas in March for Kristin, she got a lot of toys and clothes. It was a good time overall.

Not to pat myself on the back, (okay, yes that's exactly what I intend to do), we were talking over the dinner table Saturday night and my parents were talking about numerous different kids and mentioned that Kristin is the perfect personality for a child. "Whatever you guys are doing, you are doing it very well." We always hear that. I think Kristin should get the most credit, it's just the way she is. But also, I think a lot of it has been my stubborn insistence to be here at home for her all the time. We're paying a price financially, I am working, but my career hasn't been my focus since Kristin has been here, she has been. And I think that is the part where I can pat myself on the back, it's really made a difference. She is strong willed, fearless, not afraid to speak up for herself and independent. Meanwhile, I'm going prematurely grey (stress over finances) and my marketable job skills are getting rusty. I'm not complaining though, I think I made the right choice.

Just a buzzing around in my head

2008-03-03T16:14:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how much having a child changes you. Everything I do and think is from the perspective of a parent now, (as it should be). It makes for a complete inability to see eye to eye with someone motivated by a Politics of the Self.

What Does Monday Hold?

2008-03-01T22:09:00.001-08:00

I've been doing a lot of work for my client, above and beyond what I was contracted to do, and there has been some heated moments lately, from all involved, in regards to the latest project. I told my client I wanted to renegotiate my contract and submitted a proposal on Friday. He said he would respond on Monday.

I just have a gut feeling I am unemployed.

It will be interesting if I am, to see what changes take place around here. I'd have to immediately go find something, and it would obviously involve putting Kristin in daycare, a lot of dynamics can change. While nothing here is insurmountable, there still is an uneasy feeling of a huge lifestyle change for both she and I.

Breaking the Triggers

2008-02-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

Dogs are great insight into how the mind works, on the most simplistic level. Every night, our dog would start to whine and prance at the back door, itching to get out and bark at whatever she heard. As I would walk to the back door to open it, her excitement would build and build until the time my hand was on the door, she would just lose it and bark hysterically, jumping up and down, eager to get out.

This was very annoying, since it was always after Kristin went to bed, and the dog would just not respond to commands to sit still and wait for me to open the door. I had to gain control of the situation but nothing was working.

So when I went into the kitchen, to open the back door during her rapidly building episodes, I would open the garage door instead. She would dash into the garage and I would shut her in. Then I could open the back door and go back and open the garage door. Just once, she tore across the kitchen in a mad dash to go outside, but the door was already open, so the building excitement of me reaching to open the door was now gone.

So every night now, she prances and whines at the back door. When I come into the kitchen to assist, she automatically goes to the garage and waits for me to open the back door. Then she nonchalantly walks out, through the kitchen and out the back door, no barking, no hysterics. It's routine now. I got her to calm down, granted it wasn't the Cesar Milan way by making her calm down and wait for my command, but it was by removing the build up of tension towards the opening door.

It's how I've given up caffeine, smoking, sugar, my vices, it's how I've gotten Kristin to quit playing video games without complaint, how to get her to cut back on junk food and bad behavior; no - not by standing in the garage, but by breaking the triggers.

staying home for President's Day

2008-02-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

I've joined Twitter. If you are a member, my handle is SteveSinCa, if you want to friend me.

Kristin had a playmate over on Monday all day. One of Toney's coworkers has a daughter who just turned six (her birthday party was Saturday), and Kristin actually just met the girl on Saturday at the party. Then Monday, since there was no school, we just had the girl come over here from 8 to 5 while her mom worked. Kristin had an absolute blast, she had never had anybody over for so long.

The house was a complete disaster, but we were okay with it because she didn't get to do this very often. Of course once it came time to clean up (after her friend had left), she threw a fit, blamed her friend for the mess and decided to never have anybody over again.

Of course that won't last. I did purge two trash bags full of toys she had outgrown and got rid of a bookcase/shelf in her room so that next time they play with everything, it should be more manageable for her afterwards. She does have too many toys still.

When she's home with me most of the time, she doesn't like to play much because she doesn't want to do the cleanup afterwards. It can be frustrating for me sometimes. "Just play." I will tell her. "Play with anything, you have so many toys."

"No," She'll say with a woe-is-me sigh, "I don't want to." And she'll just lay on her bed and chat with a doll or do something equally lackadaisical.

She will play, and get things out, but sometimes it's just too much effort to play.

A Valentine's Day Hug

2008-02-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

“Praise is warming and desirable. But it is an earned thing. It has to be deserved, like a hug from a child.” - Phyllis McGinley

But it takes me forever to add something to THIS blog!

2008-02-10T00:15:00.000-08:00

I've created a new blog, Adamant Moon, where I plan on eventually putting up my creative writings, essays and artwork. I thought I'd better snag the name though. The Sun is my Life, the Moon is my Anima.

I've lost my blogroll

2008-02-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

blogrolling.com seems to have been down for two days. I'm going to quit linking to them as my blogroll, it never seems to have been accurate when it lists someone as 'updated', and it's just another external server to have to connect to, to load my page. It seems a growing number of people use google reader anyway, and no longer go to blog pages.

I'll have to reconstruct my blogroll from memory sometime today. If I don't get you listed, or if you want to be added, let me know.

Sometimes people link to about 7 different servers on their webpage. Google ads, blogrolling or it's equivalent and other places as well. The odds become about 7 times greater that their page won't load. If one server goes down, the browser just sits there waiting and waiting and won't finish loading the page, and won't proceed beyond trying to link to that server. I find that irritating as hell, and was reluctant to use blogrolling to begin with, for that reason.

If I just put everything on blogger.com, then it's an all or nothing situation, if it goes down, the whole damn thing goes down.

Here Comes The Sun

2008-02-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

Because of my high triglyceride levels, I've changed my habits so much that I've basically detoxified my body. And it feels so incredible. (Triglycerides are supposed to not get over 200, mine were 850).

I gave up fatty foods and I think I miss those the most. The gravies, pork, sausages, eggs, butter, things I've had for a lifetime. At first I thought that was the extent of what I should give up, but then upon research I realized that sugar turns into trigylcerides too, so I've been giving up sugar.

I switched from coffee to tea in the morning and I still put a spoonful of sugar in it, but that's about the extent of my sugar intake now. For most of my life, I've had soda, sometimes a full two liter a day for years on end. I miss that but am adapting better than I thought. I don't fry anymore, and did the switch to egg and butter substitutes.

Cooking sugar-free hasn't been much of a change because Toney is diabetic, so I already was cooking sugar-free.

I've given up alcohol too, as that converts to sugar. I used to have about a 6 pack in the evening, to relax and I wonder how much of that was responsible for my triglicerides. It was probably a big factor, although having grown up in the midwest, guys having a six pack after work was as common as dinner. I don't miss that as much as I thought I would (and for that I count my blessings, I suppose).

Not only do I have all this newfound energy, but I find my perspective has changed too. The way I spent my time now bores me. I'd want to sit down in the evening, after I got all my work done and Kristin put to bed, and watch tv. Not now, there's too much to do and I've got the energy now to do it.

I'll still watch my favorite shows, but I don't 'settle in for the evening' anymore.

And my interest in national news has waned and my interest in local happenings has grown. I've gotten rid of a lot of my news links and replaced them with more local links. I've quit going to places like the Huffington Post because it seemed like I was spinning wheels, not accomplishing anything (except getting heartburn apparently).

Although one final comment on politics....I hear that a lot of people are tired of Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton and want change in politics. CBS News and the Washington Post have a great article, Political Dynasties are as American as apple pie. If it weren't for political dynasties, we wouldn't have ever had a second Roosevelt presidency, John Adams from the beginning of this country came from a political dynasty. Also, the Gores, the Murkowskis, the Rockefellers, the Bakers, the Doles, the Bonos, the Meekses, the Dodds, the Tsongases, the Chafees. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the first woman to hold the position, is the daughter of former congressman Thomas D'Alesandro Jr. Anyway, it's a good article about dynasties. Power begets power.

The rains have stopped outside, after about a month of solid rain. The outside now reflects how I feel inside. It's a beautiful day. Spring is right around the corner here in our little valley.

Our dog passed away today

2008-01-30T17:09:00.000-08:00

I came home from Costco today and noticed something wasn't right with the dog. He couldn't lift his head. Ultimately, he did and made it into the backyard where he promptly collapsed in a pile of poo.

It was his time. He was old, and he had a good life. It hasn't sunk in with Kristin yet, she cried for awhile but now she wants to know when he is going to wake up.

Our other dog is distressed, she knows what happened. It's the circle of life. I've been prepared for this day for 6 months, so it's not hitting me like it's hitting everybody else.

We saved him from the dog pound, one day before he was due to be put down. And we gave him 5 more years of a good life. He had to have lived 13 or 14 years, although even the pound wasn't sure of his age when they had him. We will get a new puppy within a month or so, so the other dog doesn't get lonely. Thankfully, they live in the moment.

R.I.P. Cyrus.

This is why politics gives me heartburn

2008-01-26T22:10:00.000-08:00

I remember when Clinton was president, his approval ratings were through the roof. People loved him. I remember when the whole Republican financed witchhunt dogged him, Democrats and liberals rallied around him in support. Then, Bush took office and the Republican propaganda machine (via Fox news, Rush Limbaugh and other talk radio folks, and pundits like Ann Coulter) spent 8 years tearing Clinton's legacy down.

Now it seems, all Democrats forgot what they once loved. And I've never seen Democrats more split and divided than they are now. Obama supporters boo their former President. Is this part of the unity and togetherness of Obama's campaign?

Hillary Clinton was in town a few days ago, to pick up the endorsement of the Farmer's Union. I would have loved to have gone to the town hall meeting, but wasn't able to get in.

CNN ran an article saying that African American women have a difficult choice this election, choosing between gender and race. Well, African American women flipped out (and rightly so) upset that the assumption was that they would simply vote on gender or race. And then when the time came, they decided to go vote based on race.

As someone who talks politics frequently at numerous political websites, it's frustrating to see time and time again, Obama's supporters say stuff like, "Take that, Hillary supporters". People are buying into this whole talk of unity and building bridges, but it's all garbage. It's not happening. Democrats have never been more divided thanks to this tight race. Yes, Hillary supporters are just as culpable, but Hillary isn't the one running on a kumbayaa illusion.

And how is it going to happen with Republicans? Republicans who want Democrats to drop dead? The Republicans who watch Fox, who listen to Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh or who watch 700 club, number in the 10's of millions. And they have no interest in an olive branch. You can't build a bridge to the other side when the other side is standing there with burning torches waiting to take down whatever you extend.

People say they want an outsider in politics, they want change and someone new. Personally, I think that while we are at war, while we have the biggest deficit in American history and spending is out of control, while the almost non-existant middle class is being raped by banks and big business, while foreign policy is at an all time low, while terrorism and anti-Americanism is at an all-time high, we really don't have time for a learning curve. If a large corporation, employing thousands was on the brink of disaster, people wouldn't dream of throwing an inexperienced newbie in to fix the mess.

Obama has a long future in politics. I do not believe he is qualified to be president though. He is still too new to Washington and politics. He also has yet to take any significant stands on issues. His constant "present" votes show that.

Hillary knows how to fight and in today's political environment we need someone who can fight. Pacifists just won't make it. But even saying that remember of the 3 senators in the race she is known in Washington for crossing the aisle. In fact she has worked closely with some of those who really went after her husband when he was president. That shows maturity and an understanding of how Washington works. And that's unity.

Yet, while I support progressive ideology and liberal ideals, just like when Kerry was nominated, I get heartburn because the Democratic base is rallying behind someone for all the WRONG reasons.

And I'm afraid we will yet again, get what we deserve, for our lack of political insight.

Stuck at home on a rainy holiday

2008-01-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

I've got 5 pounds of top round from Costco that I need to cook for dinner. It was all frozen as one piece and so now that it's thawed, I have to use it up. What am I going to do with 5 pounds?

I've got Easy Recipe Deluxe to go on my new laptop. It looks really cool and I've been wanting to get menu software for a long time now. With over 800,000 recipes, plus the ability to add your own, I can pick meals out and it will create a shopping list.

I love cooking and thought about starting up a second blog, one that is food related. My recipes never really caught on here, but I thought maybe a separate blog just devoted to food could develop it's own following. I did a google search and sure enough, there are thousands upon thousands of recipe blogs. While a new one could succeed if good, looking at the many out there does give one the feeling of throwing a pebble in the ocean. The internet has also negated the need to ever purchase another cooking book.

Oh well, I haven't had to pay for music for almost 10 years as well. (Lifetime subscription to Sirius being the exception).

---

Kristin's done very well in terms of not bedwetting. We always thought we lucked out in that department, she had only done so maybe 3 times in her life, until recently. Now it's been 4 times in the last 9 days. I don't know what the cause is, she doesn't seem to have an infection, we cut out drinks after dinner...so I don't know what's going on.

I need to take her to the pediatrician again. She's telling me her chest and heart hurts. Sometimes she has an extremely rapid heartbeat, although she doesn't seem to have one right now. She passes all her tests from the doctor, but I might need to demand that they take an xray or something.

Last night and then again a few nights ago, her nose bled at night too.

Goin to the Chapel in 2028

2008-01-19T14:59:00.000-08:00

Kristin said recently that when she grew up, she wanted to have a big family and Papi and me would be included. I mentioned that was great.

She said, "I can't marry a girl, can I?" and I responded, "Well, yes you can." I didn't get into the semantics of different states/countries and who knows what the world holds by the time she is of marrying age. I don't think that is a question she thought up on her own, I think someone from school told her that she couldn't marry a girl.

She said, "Well, I think I'd rather marry a boy." That's fine with me, honey, as long as you love someone, that's all that matters. There is a boy at school she has a crush on already.

Making The Switch

2008-01-18T12:42:00.000-08:00

I've been going over my new laptop. Switching from the Mac to Windows is never easy, is it?

I do like Outlook for the email program, but I don't like the junk email setup. I have to click on each email and mark the address as junk. Since spam never comes from the same address twice, I'm wondering what the purpose is here. I'm not doing very well at keep the spam out. The Mac did it perfectly.

My trusty help box tells me I can get junk email filters that enhance it, at Microsoft's website. So I click on the link to read a paragraph that says the junk email settings cannot be updated. Not only that, but the status bar at the bottom of the browser says, "Done but with errors on page."

So the Microsoft webpage is not compatible with a Microsoft laptop or Microsoft browser and not only that, but the email program is wrong in sending me there for updates.

Let's hope the rest of my switching over to Windows gets better. I already miss my Apple.

Truly Married With Children

2008-01-07T09:55:00.000-08:00

You know you've been together a long time when you finish each other's thoughts or sentences, but I don't know what to make of this. We watched Married With Children, when it was in it's heyday about 15-20 years ago. We loved the show and it's mindless escapism.

There was one episode, in season 5 (1993) where Al Bundy was trying to track down a 45 of a song in which he could only remember one verse. The song was Anna (Go To Him) by the Beatles. Well, just the other day, Little Peggy March sang on the radio, I Will Follow Him.

I paused for a minute because I got the two songs mixed up and I said, "Is that..?" And that was all I got to say, because Toney nodded and said "Yep, the song that Al Bundy was looking for." We made the same mistake, but what was strange is that he finished my thought about something we hadn't talked about or thought about for 15 years!

Rotten WalMart Experience Number 2,394,583

2008-01-02T13:08:00.001-08:00

Toney's sister in law wanted to give Kristin an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas. All the girls in our families got them around this age, so she wanted to be the one to give Kristin one. I told her to save on shipping and just price one, send a gift certificate and a picture of it that she could easily print from the web, and we would take Kristin to get it. It sounds like a great idea with very little potential to go wrong, right?

So we get the gift certificate and a few days after Christmas, we went to WalMart, since that is where the certificate was from. We looked and looked but couldn't find any ovens, so we asked somebody. He said they didn't have Easy Bake ovens but have another oven instead, a Disney version, that cooks food as well. So we got that. We also saw some Easy Bake mixes sitting next to that oven so we grabbed those.

Well, we ended up buying a Disney cool-bake oven. It doesn't use heat! We should have read more thoroughly, but I'm still pissed at WalMart for messing it up. They had Easy Bake mixes but no oven that works with them! And they sell the Disney oven, but don't sell any mixes that are compatible with that! It didn't occur to me that WalMart would sell only ovens and cake mixes that are incompatible with each other. What was I thinking?

As for the Disney oven? It did come with enough mix to make two cupcakes the size of chicken nuggets. And it didn't work. They didn't rise. They looked like dog poo and she didn't want to eat it. Kristin has now lost interest in cooking, I doubt even Gordon Ramsey could turn that around. Thank you WalMart, Disney, and Made In China.

This oven is definitely a 'Do NOT buy' product.

We're going to get her an Easy Bake next Christmas. From Kmart or Target.

Look Daddy, Santa Gets His Wrapping Paper At Costco Too

2007-12-28T23:53:00.001-08:00

I have spent a lot of this past month reflecting, planning and working on resolutions.

I need to get more clients, I've needed that for awhile, but haven't gotten around to doing it yet, first because of the surgery and recouperation, then because of the holiday season. Now, about three weeks ago, Toney's truck developed problems, and because of the financial crunch of the surgery, the Christmas season, a garbage disposal and a microwave that both blew motors simultaneously, we are now down to one car for awhile. He is driving my car to work until we can get his fixed. Kristin has a three week Christmas vacation with one week still to go, so she and I have just been staying here and I let him take the car. Kristin and I will just make it to a Friday when we start to get cabin fever, but it works out all right.

So I took the month of December and I've plotted out all next year. I've reorganized my menu system and kitchen inventory, actually gotten around to scrapbooking, played with Kristin a lot, worked on goals and actually managed to get a new laptop in spite of our financial crunch. This old Apple laptop I'm currently writing on, I haven't even turned off in six months. The last few times I tried to power it up, the monitor wouldn't come on. I'd have to pull the battery out to restart and sometimes restart two or three times before the monitor would power up. This thing is on it's last legs, and because it's my source of income, it's something that had to be updated.

I'm really excited about this coming year. I'm ready for it. And in spite of a few pitfalls at the end of this year, 2007 wasn't bad at all.

And maybe next year will be good for Santa too, and he can afford his own wrapping paper.

Math and Reading Web Sites for Parents and Kids

2007-11-25T09:40:00.000-08:00

Math and Reading Games
www.learningplanet.com
www.primarygames.com
www.iknowthat.com
www.funschool.com
www.funbrain.com

Just Math
www.multiplication.com/students
www.aplusmath.com
www.coolmath4kids.com
www.mathfactcafe.com

Reading and Language Arts
www.starfall.com
www.eduplace.com/kids
www.readinga-z.com
www.readingrockets.com
www.rif.org/readingplanet
www.schoolexpress.com
www.seussville.com
www.storylineonline.net
http://teacher.scholastic.com/clifford1
http://pbskids.org/lions/games
http://resources.kaboose.com/games/read1.html

Giving Thanks

2007-11-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

There is this pretty unscrupulous guy I know who was often kicked out of places. He was immoral and deceitful and always at the center of conflict. I got into an argument with him and suddenly he was running around to everybody, "Oh, I love you guys!" being all lovey dovey. What's wild is that everybody is becoming okay with it, when it is so blatantly false and insincere.

Apparently, we don't hold people accountable for their words or actions anymore. We overlook things like a lack of character, for some bigger common pursuit. I really think this has caused a lot of society's problems. Our celebrities can get multiple DUI arrests or jeopardize their kids and we reinforce it by continuing to make them millionaires, it just shows character doesn't have the value it once had, from the tv personality right on down to the individual level.

I was talking with some people the other day and mentioned my work ethic. Years back, the company I worked for laid off a bunch of people, including me. I was laid off while I was in the middle of a project (making a color proof for an advertisement). I went ahead and spent 15 more minutes finishing the project while my boss just looked at me amazed that I didn't storm out like everybody else. Then I packed up my stuff and drove home.

However over the course of the next two weeks, other people, who were NOT laid off, panicked and began to look for other work, so in short order, they called me back wanting to know if I wanted a higher position and better pay. I took it. I think it was my work ethic that got me called back.

Toney tells me that when I go back to the workforce, I'll have to go part-time because things have changed now. Working from home, most of my interactions with my clients or professional services is via phone or email so I will have to accustom myself to this new work culture. Companies have created an environment where such work ethic is no longer rewarded, so people don't believe what I believe anymore. I'm like a fish out of water now.

Isn't that sad to be told that? Character AND work ethic have gone by the wayside anymore.

I walk Kristin to and from school, it's not that far. There are two stroller pushing moms who are always standing on the sidewalk chatting. When you walk down the sidewalk to pass, they don't even glance your way or make any effort to move a stroller out of the way. You have to step into the grass to pass them. People weren't like that when I was growing up, they moved out of the way and acknowledged you with a hello. I do get out of the house enough to see the little changes like this all over the place.

And I don't even want to get started on the people who park their shopping cart right in the middle of the grocery aisle and you can't get past. I can understand one person being lost in thought or self-aborbed but it's getting to be where it's a majority of shoppers. They just aren't considerate of others anymore.

What's the concept there that's missing? Consideration? Neighborliness? Whatever it is, it's gone the way of character and work ethic.

On the positive side, I don't think the world has all gone down the tubes just yet. Hopefully, crotchety old man is still a description of me years away.

Awhile back I lamented that I didn't feel connected to the town we were in and since the town I grew up in was so hostile, I felt hometown-less, for lack of a better word. Since I made that lament, I've come to realize how connected we are becoming to our community. We have great friends, Toney's coworkers are a large part of our social circle, Kristin is making friends at school and maintaining friendships with kids from her previous school. We hosted a Thanksgiving dinner last night and it was a smashing success. We are very much a part of this community, far more than I imagined and for that this year, I'm giving thanks. In spite of all my ranting, this Thanksgiving was actually a very humbling one.

Slow Going

2007-11-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

Last week Kristin brought home one of those mini-bottles of drinking water. It was handed out at snack time but she saved it and told Papi (Toney) as they walked home that it was for me, in case I couldn't get out of bed and get some water. She saved her snack water for her recouperating daddy. Things like that just melt my heart.

--

I'm having to modify my diet. Too much cholesterol. I've got to take medication. Apparently, man cannot live on gravied chicken fried steak alone. So I've been researching food and have been learning alot. I didn't know to look for the different ways cattle are raised in order to determine which meat to buy. I actually didn't want to have to research my food that much, but apparently just going into the store and buying what everyone else is, is dangerous.

I've come across Eat Wild, a website where you get get your meats that were grass fed as opposed to grain fed. It makes a big difference.

Also, I am now a Locavore.

Oxford Word Of The Year: Locavore

The "locavore" movement encourages consumers to buy from farmers' markets or even to grow or pick their own food, arguing that fresh, local products are more nutritious and taste better.

Yet again, another way corporate America has been killing me, damn them. The food in the supermarkets, the produce, the meats, I'm not even talking about the processed stuff, but the stuff we assume is healthy, it's not.

--

Toney took last week off to run the house while I have been recouperating. By the end of last week, he was ready to go back to work. Now Kristin is sick, today there was no school for Veteran's Day, but she would have had a sick day anyway. It looks like tomorrow will be a sick day. We're all just feeling cooped up in this house anymore, although Toney's now out of the thick of it.

--

Halloween was so cool. I took Kristin trick or treating with her friend and his little sister, and their mom and dad. We went over to their subdivision which was very nice. I thought we lived in a nice neighborhood, theirs was better. Also, in our little area, we might get 3 or 4 trick or treaters all night (not counting the adults who pull up in vans, we don't count them), but their neighborhood was like something out of a Desperate Housewives scene or even Norman Rockwell. The streets were crowded with groups of kids and their parents, the scene was so perfect I expected to hear John Carpenter music or perhaps see some soft Thomas Kinkade light spill from an open doorway, it was just so Americana. God, I was jealous.

Early morning and can't sleep

2007-11-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

Suppose you needed a plumber to fix your toilet, and he came over and took one look at it and said, "Uh, oh, I'm not going to fix this because it looks like somebody flushed too many paper towels down there. Their plumber should be responsible. My bill is 100 dollars, please."

Would you accept that?

If we don't accept such a business practice for our plumbing, why do we accept it for our healthcare? Do we love our toilets more than our own bodies?

October

2007-10-19T22:55:00.000-07:00

I've received notice from the insurance company that they are going to try and prove the hernia was preexisting so they can get out of paying for the surgery. I have said it a hundred times, but I hate the whole concept of insurance in terms of health care. Anytime you have a system where you may OR MAY NOT be protected, it's just morally wrong when it comes to health. You need to be protected, period.

The kicker is that the insurance agency will send you a letter explaining how and why they are going to attempt to get out of covering your necessary medical surgery, remind you that you still owe them for the month for medical insurance and end the letter with "thank you for letting us serve you."

Excuse my French, but WHAT THE FUCK.

The fact that there isn't a single viable candidate for the Presidency who supports universal health care is frustrating beyond words.

My inability to bend has really slowed me down and made even the simplest of things a lot more difficult. I can no longer pick up our 5 gallon water jugs to put them on the water cooler, and it is painfully tiring to have to pick up Kristin's clothes on the floor, I just can't reach. I've already lost the ability to tie my shoes and have to wear either flip flops or slip ons. It's crazy because except for this, I am healthy. I shouldn't have to be going through this.

---

Kristin turned to me the other day and said, "'Just a little bit' is Spanish for 'a few'".

It was cute. She and I are going hunting pine cones this weekend for winter fires in the fireplace. Saturday, Toney is going to a wedding and will be gone all evening, so I thought Kristin and I would rent a movie and make some popcorn. I was originally going to the wedding but my condition changed things. We had to threaten to sue the tuxedo rental place to get a refund on our tuxedos, but I won't even get into that beyond saying that something is just so wrong in this world when you have to 'fight' for everything from your own health care that you are ALREADY paying for, to getting your money back from a company who's service you didn't use. It's always fighting anymore when it comes to corporate America. It's just all so wrong and maddening. When I was growing up, it didn't use to be this way. The customer was right, you did good by the customer in order to insure repeat business. Now, you have to fight the business to get what you are entitled to. It's just fucking wrong.

Anyway, I look forward to just sealing myself off from the outside world this weekend. I'm going to just cook. It's therapy for me, when 'The Outside World' causes me grief, (as in every time I deal with it), I always have the kitchen as my own domain where I can at least control things, for the most part.

Sunday we are all going to a pumpkin patch. I hope to take pictures.

Bellies and Pajamas

2007-09-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

These last few days have really been tumultuous. I had a physical last week, mostly because I have been getting this huge abdominal pain whenever I bend over. It turns out I have a Displaced Umbilical Hernia. At least I know what the pain is from now, it explains a lot of problems I've been having. I must have had this hernia for at least a year, although the pain from bending is fairly recent.

My trigliceride levels were also 8 times higher than they should be, but Toney says to not worry too much about that because his were as well, and two weeks later when they retested him, it was fine. Mine does not seem to be leading to diabetes though, so that is good. It's still something I'll have to work on. It's odd, we eat far better than maybe 90% of Americans and yet food always seems to be an issue in this house.

I'll have an operation sometime in October to fix the hernia. I'm hoping that shoving everything back in place will also take an inch or two off my gut. Sounds vain, I know, but my gut has been expanding this past year and I always thought it was fat and a slowing metabolism, but didn't know why my arms/legs/face etc. weren't getting fat as well. My body was beginning to resemble a malnourished child on a Feed the Children commercial.

--

Last weekend, we were invited to a Sunday breakfast at a new restaurant in Seaside by one of Toney's coworkers. She knew the owner of the cafe and he was wanting to start up a 'pajama breakfast' on Sundays, so she invited several people from Toney's work to go, and even bought Kristin and herself matching pajamas. The philosophy was that Americans have gotten rid of the 'third community'. Our first community is our home and the second community is our work or our school, and it is within those confines that we primarily run around anymore. But it wasn't always that way, communities used to do a lot more social events together. The third community being the community in the village square or main street. So this pajama breakfast was an attempt to bring the community back together. Everybody goes to his restaurant for breakfast in pajamas, there would be games for the kids and old time cartoons shown on the big screen tv.

Sounded fun so we went. But, except for the owner, we were the only table sitting there in pajamas and there were no signs, banners or indications of a pajama breakfast. There were a lot of stares though.

We still had fun, our table consisted of about 4 of Toney's coworkers, Toney, Kristin and myself, and I think we'll probably do it again. Perhaps we will become known as the crazy pajama people.

Aging

2007-09-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

We are finishing up our third full week of school.

I've spent most of this time just getting adjusted to a new schedule of having Kristin only in school a half day. She stayed home from school today, this is the second cold since school started.

She's gotten more demanding and aggressive about things, and when her classwork involves coloring, she will get impatient and not color as well as I know she can. She doesn't seem to care about staying inside the lines, like it bores her. And she throws more powerful fits now at bedtime, dinnertime and bathtime. I don't know yet if this is a sign of her being bored at school and manifesting itself this way, or if she's simply getting older.

My computer is aging too. It's an old laptop, maybe 8 or 9 years old and pretty obsolete. Several times lately when I started it up, the monitor wouldn't come on and I'd have to start it 3 or 4 times before I got any screen. Since it's the only computer I have right now capable of doing my job, I'm afraid to turn it off anymore, so I haven't for a week, although I do use sleep mode, it hasn't had a problem with that, thank God. If I lost the screen, it would be disasterous to lose everything I have on the computer.

Usually, when I blog, it's after Kristin's gone to bed and Toney and I are sitting in the living room watching tv and surfing. I'm afraid to move my computer now, in case the power accidently goes out (the battery doesn't charge much anymore and the power cord often pops out when the laptop is moved around). So I don't have the computer in the living room anymore and I have to go into the office if I want to surf, so I haven't been online much in the evenings.

I'm hoping by the end of the month to be able to get a new laptop.

Aging hits everything. I don't even want to talk about my knees.

Today daddy's group worked on the color red

2007-08-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

Every Wednesday (starting today), I help out in Kristin's class for 1 hour. The class gets divided into 4 groups of 5 to 6 kids per group. The teacher works with one group, there is another teacher who comes in to work with the second group, the parent (me) works with a third group and the fourth group works independently (plays). Every 15 minutes the groups rotate until the hour is up and I've then worked with the whole class.

I thought it would be fun - it really was, but I thought I would be able to observe the class and see how Kristin spends her day and get to know the kids...it took every bit of my attention and focus to get my group to complete their assignments in 15 minutes. Some of the kids don't know how to write their name on their paper, while other kids would have their whole assignment done by the time the not-so-good spellers got done putting their name on their paper.

It was tough to keep them focused and working. And to handle 25 kids all at once, like the teacher does the rest of the day? Wow, I can't imagine.

It will get easier for me, it was fun, but exhausting.

Saturday's party at the park is almost ready. I just need to get balloons, ice (obviously a last minute item), and a few other things. And of course, all the presents.

She wanted a Spongebob theme, so it's all Spongebob, from the plates and tablecloth down to the pinata.

What we're learning in public school

2007-08-24T17:18:00.001-07:00

"Daddy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Some dogs like it when you take their tail and stick it up their butt."

"They do?"

"Not our dogs! But some dogs do."

"Okay."

I will not inquire further.

The coming birthday party

2007-08-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

Summer vacation is over, Kristin is now in her second day of kindergarten. It's been hectic gearing up for it, shopping for the supplies, clothes, getting the paperwork filled out, everything keeps you busy the few weeks before school starts!

Kristin's birthday is next week. The following Saturday, which falls on Labor Day weekend, we were going to have a birthday party at her godparents. It turns out her godfather will be having open heart surgery on her birthday, so naturally the party a few days later, at their place is now cancelled.

I have about a week to get a substitute party planned. I'm leaning towards having it at the park, and just grilling hotdogs for everybody. We can decorate a picnic table and the kids can all play on the play equipment. Labor Day weekend, I imagine the park will be crowded, but I'm thinking this is going to be cheaper and easier than some party at Chuck E. Cheese where I have to buy 10 pizzas, or the bounce house place. Her party will be about 50% kids and 50% adults, there are a lot of adults in her life, and going to some place exclusively for kids, like the bounce house probably wouldn't be the best. I think a party in the park will do fine.

A nondescript day in August

2007-08-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

Summer is moving along. School starts in a few weeks and Kristin is a little leery about starting a new school, but I know she'll do fine. She's had a great summer. She got to travel, spend time with other kids and finally I got someone willing to drop their kid off for the day so Kristin could play with someone (other than me or Toney) at our house. It's the first time she's had somebody over. Previously, every playtime with other kids, has been at someone else's house or at the park.

I've really wanted to move the last year or so, and find someplace Kristin could grow up and have good memories of her childhood and her hometown. But as time goes by and we still don't move, she's going on creating her memories, but of here. I'm not sure how I feel about that, because, after more than a decade here, I just don't feel the kinship for this place that she will develop, and I would think that our perceptions of our hometown should at least be in sync.

The Rocky Road Home; The Littlest Entrepreneur

2007-07-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

Kristin and I got back earlier in the week from our vacation in Williamsburg, Virginia.

It was great fun exploring America's past as well as just having family time down by the pool. We also went to the water park. Kristin just had a ball.

The trip home was a chaotic mess, we flew Continental and had a layover in Houston. While we were in the air, Houston had a storm and shut down all flights, so we were diverted to Lafayette to refuel. That took about two hours, due to human incompetence, apparently, and long story short, we missed our connecting flight home.

It was very frustrating to be at the gate in Houston with Kristin; both of us banging on the glass window hoping the pilot would see us. The gate was closed and locked, nobody was around and the plane, which was just sitting there with its door closed, but the walkway still going up to it, faced us, so I'm sure the pilots got a good view of us begging, "Please, please, open the door". They were, after all, delayed too, and we missed them by probably less than a minute or two, but apparently if that is the case, Continental just offers you a big, "f*ck you."

No Continental employees in the terminal would help us. It was very frustrating and I will definitely never fly Continental again, this being the second time they have screwed us over like that.

The next flight home was in the morning, and I didn't want to spend the night with Kristin at the airport, or go through the hassle of checking into a hotel for the night, after 6 hours on a plane at that point, I just wanted to come home. And I didn't want to fight with Continental to make them pay for the hotel, since this was all because of their incompetence getting the refueling done.

So they had a flight into Oakland and we grabbed that. From there, it was just a matter of me figuring out how to navigate down to the San Jose airport, where the car was. It was about midnight at that point, a full 13 hours since we began our journey home.

Kristin handled it very well, and there in the middle of the night, as we hit 'the last shuttle out' time and again on things, she got to ride a plane, a tram, the BART subway, a bus, a taxi, then another bus, then yeah! At 3:30 in the morning, we got to the car and from there it was an hour's drive home.

She napped in the car, and I had to drive slapping myself in the face the whole way so my eyes would stay open. It was one of those driving conditions where your eyes just refuse to stay open.

There is no direct or easy shuttle between the two airports in the middle of the night. Toney said I handled it as well as any Amazing Race contestant! Kristin was a great companion for it all. She was just enjoying riding on something different every so often.

---

She found a baby slug last night and put it in her bug catching cage.

"Do you want to see my baby slug, Daddy?"

"Sure."

"It will cost you one dollar. I take cash and credit card."

We were both so proud of our little budding capitalist, that Toney gave her one dollar for a viewing and she immediately put it in her piggy bank. She had her piggy bank and a small toy cash register (with credit card swiping) right beside the caged slug, for immediate payment options. I gave her 7 cents and got the same viewing. You gotta learn how to take advantage of these situations.

This morning, the baby slug was a dried husk in her cage. We're not sure what happened, he had water and grass. I think when she picked up him last night, she might have smashed part of him.

Anyway, she was all bummed that he wasn't alive anymore. "I'm still going to sell him." she blurted out.

So if you are in the market for a dried husk of a baby slug, let me know, I'm sure our little entrepreneur can cut you a great deal.

The Next Big Steps

2007-07-09T23:03:00.001-07:00

We went to the Spreckels 4th of July parade again. I love it, it's so small town. I blogged about it last year, complete with pictures (click on the July 2006 archive link) but haven't gotten this years pictures onto the computer yet.

So, I haven't blogged a lot about what's going on, because I wasn't sure if anybody involved was reading this blog, but Toney says they probably aren't so....

We are looking to leave the state. Canada is an option, although I understand how difficult it is to move up there, we have no job lined up or anything. You can't just pack up and go, I know. Seattle is also a choice and I've been thinking more and more about returning to Oklahoma. Toney isn't so keen on that idea, but it will allow Kristin to grow up around family and I think that is important.

Things aren't working out here in California. Not being able to afford her Montessori program is only part of the problem, but it is indicative of what we are facing. At the law firm Toney works at, one of the lawyers quit and moved back to his homestate of Arkansas. It was too expensive for him to raise his family here. And he's a lawyer, Toney is 'just' an IT guy and I'm work from home. It's too tough for hard working families anymore.

It's definitely going to take time to move, we have no moving expenses saved up, we haven't picked a location, it's just that it isn't working out here. We know we want to leave, we don't know where we want to go. That's how preliminary things are.

Since I work out of the home, my job is transportable. The only think keeping us here is Toney's job and, well, long story short, it's about run it's course. There's more to it than that, but that's all I'll get into online.

He told me tonight that no longer will he rely on others or their promises. I told him the only answer is to work for yourself. Now that I do it, I can never go back to making someone else money.

I don't know what the future holds, but I'll be glad when it's all settled.

--

We watched Reno 911, Miami and Pan's Labrynith the other day. If you are a fan of Reno 911, then the movie is as good as the show, not much more spectacular but good for the fans. Pan's Labrynith is definitely going to be in my top 5 or 6 movies of all time. It's very dark and gory but storytelling in it's finest form.

Summertime

2007-06-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

We're well into summer vacation and it's keeping me busy. She's here 24/7, I don't see how parents who work outside of the home handle summer.

I need to check on everybody's blogs, I'm behind on everything.

I have a brother-in-law who's family has time share condos in Williamsburg, Virginia and that is where the family reunion will be this July.

The arrangements for us to go to this reunion have been as off-again/on-again, as Kristin's school lately. At first, we decided not to go because Virginia is one of the three most hostile states towards our families.

Their laws, that they passed, when they passed the marriage amendment, forbid the recognition of any domestic partner status as well. Which means if we went to that state, and Toney went into a diabetic shock, then it doesn't matter if the hospital is gay friendly or even if the doctor is gay himself, but they are required by law to NOT recognize any relationship between Toney and myself, doesn't matter what legal papers I have in my hand. Which means there would be no one in that state who could act on his behalf in an emergency.

So after we decided to not go as a family, some work related stuff came his way, making it moot and now it seems that Kristin and I will be flying across country to vacation in Williamsburg. She can learn to swim, go to Busch Gardens, some water park and learn...oh, I don't know, colonial stuff.

Then we come back on a Tuesday and that following weekend, it's the three of us, off to a cabin in the Redwoods for some boating, a family vacation and....oh, I don't know, foresty stuff.

Anyway, having Kristin here is keeping me on my toes and keeping me from blogging much this summer. I'm excited right now though, she's spending the night at her Godmothers and tomorrow she's taking her to get her hair done. I think she's going to get the hairstyle of the little girl in Bridge to Teribithia. I actually think it will look real good on her.

(That movie really wasn't what they marketed it as, was it?)

There's No Stopping Time

2007-06-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

Well, we've decided to go with public school. It takes the financial pressure off of us, I think it was getting to us too much. And we need to take time this summer and prepare her for a new school, rather than keep things in limbo until the last minute. That's not fair to her.

We (and Kristin) will just have to bear going back to half days, and learning what she learned two years ago.

I know I brag about all that she knows, but I really think she is a prodigy. She has one of those wooden puzzles, which is a map of the United States. Each state is a puzzle piece and it fits on the wooden board, which is drawn with the outline of the states, so completing it is pretty easy.

Today she dumped all the pieces on the floor, put the wooden board away and constructed the entire United States on her rug, with no reference or outline to go by. She even got the 'little' Eastern states all correctly placed. I'm over 40 and I can't even do that!

A friend of ours (thank you, you know who you are) has arranged for a meeting with the superintendent of public schools so that we can see about getting Kristin tested for an appropriate age level. The superintendent! Wow.

Watch her go from preschool straight to second grade. I TOTALLY would not be surprised. She's writing paragraphs now. Most of it is just letters, but embedded within the letters on one line will be her name, on another line will be her address. She tells me she's writing stories, it just looks like this:

adlkjfeKristinkad
akr123MainStreetakdnf
akdnafdogcatdklad

which is fascinating because she's telling stories in her own mind, she just makes up letters for the words she doesn't know yet, but you can see real words embedded in her paragraphs.

--

Kids move out around 18-20 years old. Normally. She'll be 5 very soon. While we are getting ready for kindergarten I'm finding myself realizing that we are 25% done with childhood, and it's moving fast.

School Barbecue Part 2

2007-06-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

More school barbecue pics. For larger version, click on the pic.

There was face painting at the barbecue, but she chose to have a rainbow painted on her arm instead. It was solely her choice.

Here Kristin is putting on the lip gloss from her Magic Cinderella Secret Lip Gloss Ring.

And here is the Ring!

School Barbecue Part 1

2007-06-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

I hope I don't overdo it on the pics here, but Toney took about 250 pics of the school barbecue and I wasn't able to narrow it down to less than my favorite top 10. Here are the first 5. For larger version, click on the pic.

Back and Forth

2007-06-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

Last Friday was the last day of school and again, it was a barbecue at the park for all ages. Kristin had a good time, and we had some discussion with some parents for some playdates this summer.

She is really bonding with the kids there, which would make a transfer to public school that much more difficult.

After the barbecue at the park, we came home and then all three of us walked to the nearest public school where we enrolled Kristin for the fall. They told us about public school kindergarten. It's half a day (she's used to full day already), and they will be going over things like shapes and primary colors. They said to get a good start this summer, we can ask her things like, 'What color is this? - Blue' or 'What shape is this? - Rectangle'.

We just groaned. She's well past Rhombus and Hexagon. She's reading on her own (3 letter word books), she is doing pretty well in Spanish and sign language, she is cubing and squaring and knows addition and subtraction, and we are supposed to teach her this summer what Blue is?

To make matters worse, we were talking with the principal of the Montessori school during the barbecue (who is unaware that we are considering public school) and she mentioned how the founders of Google and Ebay are all graduates of the Montessori system in this town, and she was going on and on about how the school teaches kids to think outside the box.

Okay, we can't afford it, but we are determined to put her back in the Montessori school this fall. Somehow, someway. Damn, why does it have to be so expensive? I have a nephew at the University of Kansas, and his tuition, room and boarding AND textbooks, all of it, costs less than her kindergarten.

But look at what we get in return.

One thing Toney is going to do, as we trim our budget and look for additional sources of income, is to shut down our website/domain name that never took off, but that I use to hold the images that I post on this blog. Hey, that's about 20 bucks a month, so all previous images I've blogged of Kristin will soon be lost, but I'm not going to go back and reblog them all.

However, it does seem that blogger gives me 1gb of space for images so I just need to figure out how to use it. I'm working on that right now. I may also be getting a job outside the home, although I'd rather just look for additional clients. Who knows how things will turn out, it seems to constantly change on a dime.

For some, the circle of life is more like a contorted oval

2007-06-09T00:14:00.000-07:00

Last night I found a baby bird in the driveway. It still had the down all over it's head and couldn't fly.

I don't know how it came to be where it was, it's possible the mother threw it out of it's nest because of some problem. In any case, it was doomed, I knew. I showed him to Kristin who started crying for him, so I gave her a lesson about the wild and nature. We went back inside and he followed us up onto the porch and hid behind some planters there. That moved me, that he had come to us, so I put him in a box with dishrags and then looked online for how to feed a baby bird. Kristin was so happy she named him Tweety.

Owls.com said I could give it canned dog food with tweezers, so I drove to the store and bought canned food for this bird. I never could get him to eat though or drink water. So I just made the box as comfortable as possible and then left him in the garage overnight. He would have died of the cold outside, I'm sure. The soft rags put him right out, he was probably suffering from exhaustion.

This morning he was still alive, so I released him into the front yard again, giving him a chance to at least fend for himself, since he was rejecting my food. Although I knew he wouldn't make it, he wasn't going to make it in the box either.

It was cute to see him hop across the front yard, flapping his wings. He was really trying to fly but just couldn't. There was nothing more I could do, it is almost impossible to care for a wild bird.

He ended up hopping across the driveway to the back gate and somehow managed to get under it and into the backyard where the dog got him. I tried. RIP Tweety.

Disillusionment

2007-06-04T22:11:00.001-07:00

I think for right now we've decided to just not get into politics this year and probably not even vote next presidential election.

We watched the Democratic debate and it was one of the most frustrating things I've seen. CNN is so biased. They put the three front runners (Edwards, Clinton, Obama) side by side and 80% of the time, the camera just showed those three. Kucinich actually had the best to say, but nobody besides the three front runners could really get more than a few sentences in here and there.

It was one of the most slanted and lackluster debates I've ever seen.

When the question of healthcare came up, it was disappointing to hear them all (besides unelectable Kucinich and short-fused Gravel) say that they support throwing more regulations on the insurance companies. Talk about a nightmare. I can't vote for that. Universal healthcare is the only thing that can fix our horrible health care situation but it seems both sides are now beholden to their HMO/insurance overlords.

Kucinich gave the best platform in our opinion, followed by Edwards. However Edwards wasn't good enough to want to vote for, his healthcare ideas were among the worst, and Kucinich just doesn't have the votes to be realistically feasible.

So we just may not pay attention to politics this year. And the debate aside, this whole buckling of the Democratic party in regards to the Iraq war has Toney so furious he won't even consider anybody who aligns themselves with Pelosi or Reid ever again.

Here's video of Keith Olbermann talking about how Democrats have failed us, in regards to the Iraq war. They were voted into office to do something, but as usual have done nothing but give us platitudes.

As an aside, one thing I note is how the left will criticize itself but the right won't. Consider if O'Reilly decides to support Guiliani or McCain for President. Will he tear down Mitt Romney? No, he will save his vitrol for the Left. Yet, on the Left you can see Olbermann cut down Democratic leaders.

So we are looking towards an election where the Left AND the Right condemn the Democratic party. I don't think that's going to motivate people to vote Democratic.

I don't want to get stressed out this coming election and I don't want to worry for my family, so I may just step out of political activism and see if ignorance really is bliss.

For Next Year

2007-06-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

Here's an article about the rising cost of food and how it is rising even faster than the cost of gas.

Part of the problem is the demand for ethanol, which is made from corn, and since most every food has high fructose corn syrup in it, the cost of food is going up. We feed chickens corn too, so the price of eggs goes up, for example.

There are other factors, but the gist is that the price of food (and, not surprisingly, healthcare) is rising faster than the cost of gas.

This is the last week of Kristin's preschool, and Toney and I did some talking last night and decided that perhaps public school will be the way to go next year. Fortunately, because of where we live, she will be going to one of the better public schools in the area.

My biggest fear isn't so much the education she will receive, but treatment from her peers. I base that on my own experience in school, however she will be in kindergarten so that's a bit young for me to worry about bullying or harassment. Also, things have changed in 30 years. Also, we live in California and not the Bible Belt, anymore, so I do realize that my fears are probably a little unfounded.

Is there a doctor/chef in the house?

2007-05-31T20:53:00.001-07:00

So June 1st is the 2nd annual Blogging For LGBT Families Day and I'm so unprepared. It snuck up on me.

Since I'm so disorganized right now, I will direct you to my post of last year in which we introduced ourselves.

Right now I'm dealing with my own cold, Kristin just got over pinkeye about two weeks ago and now has ringworm on her leg.

And she came home from school yesterday and said "If you have chicken pops, then you get dots all over you and have to take an oatmeal bath."

"Oh, did you learn that at school today?"

"Yes, Aaron has chicken pops."

"So he wasn't at school?"

"No, he was there."

Uh oh.

And tomorrow she's snack captain, so I still need to prepare snacks for 23 preschoolers tonight. What does one serve with chicken pops and a tub full of oatmeal? Pigs in a blanket?

Just Stuff It

2007-05-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today was a good Memorial Day for us. It was just the three of us, but we grilled burgers out back, had baked beans and potato salad and ate on the patio then got in the jacuzzi for awhile. Kristin had a really good time.

--

A few weeks ago we took Kristin to Target to pick out a toy. She chose the Bear Factory. It looks like a sewing machine, but it puts the stuffing in teddy bears. It came with three bears too, but you can buy more and buy their accessories/clothes, etc.

They have these Build-A-Bear stores in the shopping malls, the concept is the same, basically to get you to pay 50 dollars for a teddy bear, and to top it all off they let you do all the work!

Anyway, against our wishes, she insisted, so since we said she could pick it out, we relented. She had fun for a day or two but it hasn't been used since.

I've decided we're going to create teddy bears for everybody. I'll buy the 'shell' and the stuffing and maybe we can get creative and create some clothes or something. I'll take pictures of her making it and we will send a bear to her grandparents, and to everybody who gives her stuff (the gals at Toney's work still buy her clothes). I'll include the pictures of her creating the bears and I think it will go over well.

And while I do believe in encouraging kids to create their own stuff, I think it's ridiculous to end up paying so much for a teddy bear. When you consider you have to purchase stuffing separately from the fur, and then the clothes and whatever other accessories you might want, the build-a-bear at home can end up costing about 20 bucks for a bear that would normally sell for about 5.99.

What a scam. I wish I had thought of it.

I always feel like, somebody's watching me

2007-05-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

One of our dogs is so in tune with me, it's actually almost creepy. She lays there and observes me constantly. Not just what I'm doing, but my face, she watches my face for emotion.

When I'm in the kitchen working, she lays down by the pantry and watches me. I store the glass bowls in the pantry. Next to the pantry is where I store the metal bowls, pans, etc.

When I unload the dishwasher, and grab a metal bowl, she watches me come over to her, step over her and put the bowl away.

However, if it's a glass bowl, she'll have to move, in order for me to open the pantry door and put it inside. She knows this. I've never known a dog to be so in tune, that if I pick up a certain TYPE of bowl, she knows whether to move or not.

I can't even glance at the front door without the hair on her back standing up and she'll let out a low growl. And she doesn't like to be alone, and because I'm the one here all day, she's taken to just always being in the room with me. When I shower, she lays at the foot of the shower. If I go take the trash can to the curb, she barks at the door incessantly until I come back.

But the whole creepiness part of it, is that she watches my eyes. Often I will be doing something and look up and there she is, lying there, just staring.

Our other dog watches our bodies. If we do something, and he watches to see if we go outside, for example, he's looking at our body. He follows the bodies in the room. She's focused on the face.

There's a huge difference. He's clueless about a lot of stuff. Nothing gets by her. It's interesting and a bit creepy.

That Funky Car Smell?

2007-05-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

Kristin asks me while we are in the car, "Daddy, why do we need gas?"

"Well, honey, gas is like food. We eat food for energy, and the car uses gas for energy too."

"Oh. And when we drive, it poops it all out."

"Well, yeah."

Priority: Cutting the Obstacle Into Bite-Sized Pieces

2007-04-27T02:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight the Democratic Presidential Debate was on MSNBC. I remember reading about how the Democrats rejected Fox news as a platform for the debate because they said the network was biased. So MSNBC got it.

We actually missed the debate, but did turn the tv on, just as it was over and the panel was beginning to dissect the debate point by point. The panel consisted of Joe Scarborough, Pat Buchanan and several others who seemed very right wing. And they all proceeded to tear each and every candidate and the debate itself down.

I couldn't help but snicker out of frustration. Whatever the Democrats wanted to avoid at Fox news, I felt MSNBC gave to them anyway.

I think the media, with Glenn Beck, Nancy Grace, Lou Dobbs all on CNN, Scarborough on MSNBC, everybody on Fox, it's all very right leaning...I see Keith Olbermann as the only counter. I just see all media as very lopsided.

--

My blogging has slown down because I haven't felt that I can talk as openly on it as I used to. So I haven't known what to write about, it's not able to be the diary I intended it to be.

It remains to be seen still, what direction it will go. I'm looking forward to this summer, to a lot of changes and hopefully growth.

I pull in about 35-40% of the income. I also basically have 90% of the household chores, and have Kristin to raise on top of that, both responsibilities because I am working out of the home. It's come to my attention recently though, that I've been slacking in the household chores department.

I don't entirely agree, but I know that a relationship is compromise, and that there are two sides to every story. If someone feels I am not pulling my weight in something, I need to listen and understand and not dismiss it.

It hurt to hear it though, and I needed time to absorb it. My thought is that there are just two different definitions in this house, of what clean is. I run a house more 'lived in' and Toney wants a house more 'presentable'. I'm not trashy, but I don't run a Martha Stewart maintained house either. There's still paint on the office floor from Kristin's and my last painting expedition, but I do dishes and laundry everyday. It's priorities and delegating what time I have to what is important.

But...back to the premise. I don't do enough housework is the charge. So I've analyzed the situation and have decided that a large part of the problem is that we have outgrown our house. There is too much stuff collected over the years in here. So I'm getting rid of a lot of it.

If it isn't working now, then the solution will be that we will scale down the house chores, until it fits in with my capabilities.

Shoes, Shopping and Spring Break

2007-04-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

Spring Break went by fast. We took Kristin to the beach twice, and she and I had a cold throughout the week. Other than that, it all came and went.

Toney and I were talking earlier, and we both thought at the same time, how screwed we are going to be years on down the road. What brought that about was this past week, Kristin went shopping with her godmother. She got her hair done, they went to a shoe store then a clothing store, and just stocked up on clothes for Kristin. It was really great, to get the clothes, in addition to having Kristin spend time with her and really having fun.

Her GM (godmother) told us that she put out about 15 different styles of shoes, Kristin tried them all on, and then she told Kristin she could pick three. Kristin so loved this, when she came home and put on a fashion show for us, so we could see all her clothes, she sighed and said, "I love shopping."

Flash forward to two days later (Sunday) when we get her a new pair of tennis shoes (none of her three choices were for running/playing, and she has gone up in size, which is why she got the new wardrobe), so we gave her some new tennis shoes and she just sighed and commented about how Sketchers were her favorite brand.

She knew the brand! At 4 years old, just learning to read, but yet can know the brand of a pair of shoes (there was no Sketchers on the box or outside of the shoe, to read, she KNEW the brand).

Toney and I just look at each other and shake our head. We think we are so screwed in the years ahead. I imagine by 9 years old, she will start dropping hints about Ferragamo.

Here Comes Spring Break

2007-04-07T23:02:00.000-07:00

Kristin is on spring break all next week. Toney was off work for Good Friday, so we've been spending time as a family doing stuff yesterday and today. It was good fun because we hadn't had the chance to do it for awhile.

We went to the beach today. Unfortunately we forgot the camera. Kristin wanted to swim in the ocean although it is too cold here to get in the water without a wetsuit. She and Toney walked to the edge of the water and a big wave hit them, going up to Toney's knees and knocking Kristin down. She would have been dragged out to sea if he didn't have ahold of her hand. After the shock wore off, she laughed about it.

It was fun, we found seashells, lizards and just had a good time.

Then tonight we dyed the Easter eggs for tomorrow.

This past week I've been job hunting, I still have my work but need to take on more work now to keep Kristin in the Montessori system next year. Toney also thinks that the next few months is when we need to start looking into purchasing a home (which is why I need to get more money, if we are to keep her in private school).

What are your thoughts on purchasing a home soon? Has the bubble burst? Is the housing market in a good condition right now for first time home buyers? Reports say that over 2 million homes are in foreclosures, which might not be good for the economy but should be good for first time home buyers, right?

Oh yes, and now that we are getting into spring break, Kristin is coming down with a cold.

Getting Older part 2

2007-03-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

Kristin's outgrown Sesame Street, Dora, Blue's Clues, Baby LoonyTunes and of course Teletubbies. The next round of cartoons start to get into good vs. evil, Spongebob has the evil Plankton, Fairly OddParents has the evil babysitter, Vicki, Scooby Doo goes on his escapades battling ghosts or monsters, even shows like The Little Mermaid has the evil octopus witch or Aladdin has his evil characters.

These scare her (except for Spongebob and Fairly OddParents, where the villians are more comical than evil). So we are in kind of a limbo, most shows she's familiar with, she is no longer interested in and she's not quite ready for the good vs. evil conflict that seems to become the main theme of everything else.

The upside to this is that she is voluntarily choosing to watch less tv.

--

We had our parent/teacher conference not too long ago and we got a great report, Kristin is doing wonderful, she's actually at kindergarten level already. The one bad mark was in regards to her lunches. I've tried following the teacher's recommendations of healthy foods but most of it is still in the lunch box at the end of the school day. If I give her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread with a bag of chips, she eats it all.

So I started giving her that for lunch for awhile. The teacher is a vegetarian and is very picky about what the kids eat, of course we as the parents have final say, but it is helpful for her to help steer us or whatever. So I've gone back to experimenting with different tactics to get her to eat stuff.

One thing she will eat is raw spinach leaves, if I include a small bit of shredded cheese in with it. She rolls the cheese up like a burrito in the spinach leaf. Sounds gross to me, but it gets her to eat the spinach.

Instead of the pb&j, now she gets a hard boiled egg as the primary protein source, or sliced apple and peanut butter. (To be fair to myself, I would give her the sliced apple about once a week already).

She hates raisins, so right now we are soaking them in water (as well as peanuts), and we'll give those a try. They are on the teacher's list.

(I blogged/complained about this list last year. I got 'in trouble' for pb&j's then too. There are incredible things on that list to give a 4 year old, like raw turnip or sushi.)

We'll find what's good for her and get her to eat it. It is really challenging, but I do appreciate the teacher pushing me to keep after it. As much as I don't like being lectured on something like this, it will only help Kristin in the long run, so I know it's for the best.

Hopefully we can keep Kristin in the school next year though. The cost is just incredible although she is learning so much, and the fact that the teacher is keeping after me on nutrition shows us how the benefits go beyond the textbook. It really is a great school that encompasses ALL aspect of life, not just history, math, etc. In public school, how many teachers are so concerned about what the kid eats?

The dilemma is that right now, she's a year ahead of her age group and so if we had to put her in public school, it would be like repeating a year for her. She would get immensely bored. I've really got to find a way to earn more money this year so we don't have to switch schools. She just belongs right where she is.

A Mysterious Hexagon

2007-03-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

There's an interesting story about a wierd hexagon they've found on the north pole of Saturn. Some interesting imagery as well. A system of clouds lies within the hexagon. The clouds appear to be whipping around the hexagon like cars on a racetrack.

It's like a huge enclosed world, so huge 4 earths could fit inside it.

A week of picnics and playstation games

2007-03-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

It turns out Kristin might have had pinkeye. She's been out of school all week, I hope to have her back in the pediatricians office on Monday to get a clean bill of health to put her back in school.

There weren't very many symptoms, she did have some crust Tuesday morning, but has been on eye drops daily and has been feeling pent up being here in the house with me all week. I took her to the park for awhile and we went shopping, but I'm sure that everybody around us was okay, her symptoms were so slight and didn't last more than a day.

--

Some things off the top of my head this week: she drew a picture of a person and told me that it was a woman, but she had no hair and so that makes her a man.

Also, Toney was talking to me and Kristin was trying to interrupt. "Ah-ha-ha-hem" (clearing the throat and saying Ahem)

It was cute, so we ask her, Kristin, where did you learn that? "From public school" she says. "That's what they say when they want your attention."

Oh, okay. (She's never been in public school)

Little Human Bodies, Who Can Figure Them Out?

2007-03-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

I took Kristin to school this morning and then headed up to Morgan Hill, (a town about 60 miles north) to meet with my client. The town is about an hour away, and no sooner do I enter the town then my cell phone rings.

It was Toney, the school left him a message on his cell. "Kristin has pink eye, someone has to pick her up immediately."

Of course, he had clients in from out of town and was going to be in meetings all day, it was up to me.

I went on to meet with my client, it wasn't more than a 15 minute meeting, just to go over tax stuff and the like, then I had to quickly drive back, but all in all, it took me almost two hours from the time I got the call until I could get back to the school.

The school had 'quarantined' her and everything was fine, but my nerves were shot because I was worried about me taking so long.

I still had a ton of stuff to do today and had to take her with me, and then squeeze in a pediatrician's appt. in the whole mix.

The doctor said it was too early to tell if she had pink eye, there was no discharge, the only indicator was that she said her eye hurt, there was a little bit of crust and her eye was red.

So a hundred bucks for the visit, another 60 for eye drops, and it's still not certain if she has pink eye (it's not looking like it now), although she can't go back to school without a note. I have to wait until tomorrow to see if there is discharge in the eye, otherwise, it might just be an eye allergy or something else.

So we get home from running errands and she's playing and having a good time, when suddenly she says she's sick and wants to go lie down. It's about an hour before dinnertime at this point.

So I put her down. She starts crying, saying her ear hurts. It is the ear on the opposite side of the eye. I give her tylenol and she breaks into a fever and passes out.

About an hour after dinner, she wakes up and is now fine.

WTF? I can't get her back in school without a note. I'm going to keep her home tomorrow anyway just to be safe, but she's back there in her room right now, an hour after bedtime, all happy and fine, no fever, no sweat, no ear problem, no eye problem.

And I'm out almost 200 bucks.

What a day.

Scrapbooking

2007-03-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

I notice nobody talks about scrapbooks much on their family blogs. I wonder how many people actually do scrapbooks?

At first, I wasn't going to, most of our pictures are digital and on CD. And then there is the rapidly-dwindling blog here that I thought would be its equivalent. I thought that a scrapbook would take too much time.

I think I'm going to do it though, just not go all out with the decorating. Kristin's still in preschool and I've already got a ton of her schoolwork that I want to save. And I haven't even saved the majority of it. I can see how, as the years go by, there is just going to be a huge amount of family memorabilia.

I need to have some organization to it, so it looks like I need to scrapbook. What ways do you keep family memories?

Nothing worse than a sore throat

2007-03-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been one of those hazy spells where I can forget what day it is. Kristin has been sick, home from school since late last week, and I've been sick too. We basically barricaded ourselves in the house and just lost contact with the outside world. I'd lounge on the patio to soak up some sun, but we didn't go anywhere, even to the grocery store. Days go by like that and you can forget what day of the week it is, everything seems the same.

There's a soft, classical jazz station on Sirius, channel 73, that is probably my favorite channel. It plays atmosphere music, very soothing and relaxing.

I've noticed that a lot of the people playing songs on there now, played in the 80's rock genre that I grew up with. Now, on the station that plays Enya and Celtic music, you can find Blackmore's Night, a celtic band with Richie Blackmore who used to play in Rainbow and Deep Purple. Neal Schon, formerly of Journey, plays instrumental music on that station now, as does Craig Chaquico, formerly of Jefferson Airplane/Starship. And Jon Andersen, of Yes as well.

I grew up listening to these people rock out, now that my style of music is gravitating (although I still like the rock), it's interesting to see that others have made the same transition.