Shake Your Salt Shaker

It's been interesting to see the transformation in Kristin over the last few weeks, now that she has someone to play with all day.

I always used to blog about how good she was, and it wasn't an exaggeration, she was really a little angel with just a few temper tantrums here and there. Well, now, with a peer around all day, she's more...um...normal.

She cut her bangs a few days ago and yesterday she decided to pretend that the salt shaker was a magic wand, and she picked it up, just minutes after I finished mopping and waved it all around the dining room coating the table, computer equipment and the floor in salt.

I did scold her for it, but didn't really punish her. When I told Toney about it in the evening, even he said 'kids will be kids'. While she knows it's wrong and to not do it again, at the same time, I'm grateful to see her acting more like her peers, even after I just get done mopping.

She got in more trouble for lying about cutting her bangs (I don't know how it happened, Daddy), than for actually chopping her hair into chunks. Stuff happens.

Two of a Kind

Kristin stayed home today, she was up all night coughing so we let her watch tv all through the night. Whenever this happens, I just put her in the living room in front of the tv, cozy her up with a blanket and pillow, make sure she has a snack - dry cereal, goldfish or something, some juice, and I head off to bed. She watches tv, dozes off and on, and coughs all through the night. Triaminic must have caffeine in it, because I know when I give it to her she will be alert for the next 6 hours.

So, because she was awake all night, I took her friend to school and picked her up and Kristin slept through most of it. They played good today, there was little fighting. Mostly because Kristin didn't have energy, so she slept a lot while her friend watched tv. They played a bit but it was a mellow day.

We are finishing up week 2 of having her friend over all day and I've learned some more background which helps me to understand how things play out here. Two strong divas in the house, it hasn't been pretty this last week and a half. The battles have been cruel.

Well, her friend grew up in an environment of gangsters. They lived out of town, and moved into town to be closer to work. When they lived out of town was the different environment. So, Kristin's friend, who is in kindergarten too, had peers who had parents who were in gangs. This influenced the kids, which influenced her. She would have her arm twisted in school, with the other kids telling her, "are you going to cry yet?".

Ouch. Now I understand and have more sympathy for her defiance. Kristin has defiance because she was a single child who I pampered. So now there are two defiant divas battling for everything from this or that toy to a hand to hold, to a seat in the living room.

But I have a better understanding of things now. And I talk to them and let them know, 'hey, we are here together everyday. Let's make the best of it and have fun, isn't that what we want?'

It seems to be working. Kristin's friend is coming around (willing to make concessions) faster than Kristin.

We'll get there. It's been a rough two weeks, but we are making good ground.

These two divas are strong willed. Hillary Clinton like. And they are starting to really bond. And stick together. It will be formidable.

Tracking Inventory

Usually, in any given day I will have 20-30 things on my todo list and I NEVER get them all done. I'm always trying to find the way to best organize my time but it seems to be an unsolvable mystery right now.

Another thing I've been working on, with moderately more success, is keeping an inventory of all foods. Basically, I've created an Excel spreadsheet and everytime I get home from the grocery story, I just jot the items in it, along with expiration date. I don't really bother with the quantity. Just "tuna, Oct. 2010" for example. Then I sort the columns by the expiration date and the ones at the top are the items to use in recipes first. It's pretty simple and it helps to ensure no waste.

If only my daily schedule could be so easy. I've got a menu planner, and while I use that to keep track of menus, it also has an inventory function but it actually takes too much time to navigate through it.

The Dentist, the Parent and the Battle of Evermore

I went to the dentist today for the first time in a year or so. I had blogged about my bad experience with the last dentist, where I ended up complaining to the Better Business Bureau (which ended up siding with the dentist). That dentist told me I had periodontal disease, 17 cavities and basically had a whole list of things that needed to be done.

After enough time went by so that my anger at the dental industry was about over, I went to this new dentist today. He looked in my mouth and said, "It all looks good. I don't see any cavities or signs of gum disease." (And I had NOT told him about my experience with the previous dentist).

It made me so mad at the first dentist all over again. He is scamming people out of unnecessary work. And of course the BBB which is a business itself, will favor the business over the consumer. It's frustrating. There should be a way for customers to protect ourselves from unscrupulous businesses. But who can go to multiple dentists for second opinions? I don't know of any insurance who would allow that.

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Kristin had a playdate a few weeks back, and then went to the girl's birthday party. At the party, the mom talked about their church. Since I'm a gay parent, I never know if it is subtlety letting us know of their religious beliefs, or if it is simply something they would talk about with anybody.

Well, I called their house almost two weeks ago to arrange another playdate, and left a message. I have had no return call. That tells me what I need to know, doesn't it? It's sad because they are classmates and good friends, but apparently it will only be in the classroom.

I know when you are at this age, friendships come and go alot, based on parents schedules and things out of the kids control, but it is dismaying to see the children punished because of the intolerance of the parent.

Thankfully, Kristin has another playmate who now comes home with us every day after school and so isn't really aware of what's possibly happened.

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Speaking of which, we are on day 3 of this arrangement and the fighting has been fierce. While working in the kitchen I can hear from her bedroom, "I hate you!" "You're not coming to my birthday party!" "You always have to have it your way!" "Don't touch that!"

I go in there and try to mediate during the more heated moments, and have even had to separate them for awhile. To a large degree, they should try to work it out and not always have someone intervene, but sometimes it gets out of hand. Right now, they are playing with the Polly Pocket Hot Wheels track, except the Polly Pocket Hot Wheels cars are somewhere in Kristin's room and neither one of them wants to be the one to 'break down' and go find them, so they are just sort of running their fingers along the track.

An allday playmate

Starting Monday, a classmate of Kristin's will be coming home with us and staying here until her mom gets off work at 5:30. This is fantastic because Kristin has sorely needed someone to play with, for a long time. It is very hard raising a single kid and not falling victim to having the tv become a babysitter. Her attention span is still about 30 minutes or so, so it's constantly a chore finding stuff for her to do, or encouraging her to find something to do all day.

I know that having a playmate over all afternoon 5 days a week, it's only a matter of time before the 'sibling' type of battles begin, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. After 5 years of feeling guilty because I can't play with her all day, I'm really looking forward to this change.

Birthday presents and teeth

I had my birthday recently, and Kristin has been wanting sno-cones very, very bad. So when Papi took her out to get my birthday present, she picked a sno-cone maker. And who says birthdays aren't for the kids, heehee.

We've been making sno-cones, they are remarkably easy. Also tonight, I dug out what she gave me for my LAST birthday...the ice cream maker, and used it for the first time tonight, after dusting it off quite thoroughly. It was a bit like a slushie but will harden up in the freezer I think. The taste of it was perfect vanilla ice cream, so I'll be using that quite a bit this summer. She loved it too.

I did get myself some books for my birthday and hope to catch up on some reading this summer.

She's made a new friend and we've had several playdates this week, and a birthday party at the park today.

A few weeks back, she stayed at a friends house late into the night while Papi and I went to a company dinner. The sitter commented on how well she brushed her own teeth, "what good form she had, it was actually quite scary." Her kids apparently weren't as far along in their own teeth brushing skills. And about a week ago, Kristin had a dentist appt., and they commented on how well her teeth were, and what a good job I was doing. I didn't mention to them that I haven't brushed her teeth in a long, long time. Because I know I'm supposed to be the one doing it until they are 6 or 7.

I brushed her teeth from the time they came in, until she was about 3 or 3 and a half. Then I made her do it. I stood right there beside her, instructing her, encouraging her and making sure it was done right, for about 6 months. By the time she was 4, I pretty much just put the toothpaste on her brush, set the egg timer and walked out of the room. And her teeth are perfect, her skills at brushing are apparently advanced, so maybe this whole concept about kids not being able to do it until they are 6 or 8 isn't entirely accurate.

We talked about the consequences and that you only get one set of adult teeth and I've held the brush while she held it, so she can get a feel of how it goes, but she's done it for so long now, and so very well, it's proof to me that when you assume someone can do something, you expect them to do it, and you've made sure they understand how, then you don't have to worry about it, and it gets done.

Quiet time before the Easter Bunny visits

This week Kristin has been on spring break and sick, (we've all been sick), so it has been keeping me busy. Today she had a birthday party to attend and then we had to paint the Easter eggs tonight.

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We did get two months of Showtime free recently and watched an episode of the Tudors. (It's a series about Henry the VIII). We liked it enough to download the whole first season and are now watching it. I realize the show is fiction, but the one thing that strikes out at me is that in all this time, cultures and customs may change but human interaction doesn't.

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I want to get Nancy Drew on DVD so that Kristin can watch it in a few years. Has anybody seen it? I'd like to know if it's good.

She has the old animation of Horton Hears a Who and has watched that several times, I thought it might be fun to take her to see the new one soon.

She still watches Elmo for 'comfort' I think. She's gone on to SpongeBob, Fairly OddParents, Camp Lazlo and a few other cartoons, and when I talk with the kids at school, they tell me they've seen Pirates of the Caribbean or Spiderman, which I think might be a bit much for a kindergartener, but it gives me perspective. However, when she is in trouble, or wants to feel comforted for whatever reason, she wants me to put the Elmo videos in. I suppose it is the equivalent of another kid still sucking their thumb at this age.

An Amazing Story

One interesting story my dad told me.

He's a pediatrician and there was this family who adopted children with special needs he knew about. They had 14 kids and one of the children was a 5 year old Chinese boy with Down Syndrome. They had adopted him at 3 months, from China.

When my dad first met the boy, at 5 years old, his parents told him that the boy wasn't learning English but was just babbling all the time. They thought it was the Down Syndrome. In the waiting room, there was a Chinese man who recognized the boy was Chinese too, and he knelt down to speak with the boy. The boy immediately responded.

He wasn't babbling for the first 5 years of his life, he was speaking Chinese! And he had only heard the language for the first 3 months of his life and hadn't heard it since. Yet he was able to speak and communicate in Chinese (but wasn't picking up English).

It's an amazing example of the mysteries of the human mind. They ended up moving to be near a university so the boy could be studied further.

Visiting Parents

I've never heard back from my client on my request for a renegotation of my contract, yet late last week he gave me some work to do. I guess this means it is back on me. Take it as is, or find some other work and then give notice. I choose the latter.

My dad and stepmom just left today, they were visiting this weekend and we took them to the aquarium for the second time. They said they wanted to do whatever Kristin wanted, and that's what happens when you let a 5 year old dictate everybody's weekend. We all had a good time though and it was like Christmas in March for Kristin, she got a lot of toys and clothes. It was a good time overall.

Not to pat myself on the back, (okay, yes that's exactly what I intend to do), we were talking over the dinner table Saturday night and my parents were talking about numerous different kids and mentioned that Kristin is the perfect personality for a child. "Whatever you guys are doing, you are doing it very well." We always hear that. I think Kristin should get the most credit, it's just the way she is. But also, I think a lot of it has been my stubborn insistence to be here at home for her all the time. We're paying a price financially, I am working, but my career hasn't been my focus since Kristin has been here, she has been. And I think that is the part where I can pat myself on the back, it's really made a difference. She is strong willed, fearless, not afraid to speak up for herself and independent. Meanwhile, I'm going prematurely grey (stress over finances) and my marketable job skills are getting rusty. I'm not complaining though, I think I made the right choice.

Just a buzzing around in my head

It's amazing how much having a child changes you. Everything I do and think is from the perspective of a parent now, (as it should be). It makes for a complete inability to see eye to eye with someone motivated by a Politics of the Self.

What Does Monday Hold?

I've been doing a lot of work for my client, above and beyond what I was contracted to do, and there has been some heated moments lately, from all involved, in regards to the latest project. I told my client I wanted to renegotiate my contract and submitted a proposal on Friday. He said he would respond on Monday.

I just have a gut feeling I am unemployed.

It will be interesting if I am, to see what changes take place around here. I'd have to immediately go find something, and it would obviously involve putting Kristin in daycare, a lot of dynamics can change. While nothing here is insurmountable, there still is an uneasy feeling of a huge lifestyle change for both she and I.

Breaking the Triggers

Dogs are great insight into how the mind works, on the most simplistic level. Every night, our dog would start to whine and prance at the back door, itching to get out and bark at whatever she heard. As I would walk to the back door to open it, her excitement would build and build until the time my hand was on the door, she would just lose it and bark hysterically, jumping up and down, eager to get out.

This was very annoying, since it was always after Kristin went to bed, and the dog would just not respond to commands to sit still and wait for me to open the door. I had to gain control of the situation but nothing was working.

So when I went into the kitchen, to open the back door during her rapidly building episodes, I would open the garage door instead. She would dash into the garage and I would shut her in. Then I could open the back door and go back and open the garage door. Just once, she tore across the kitchen in a mad dash to go outside, but the door was already open, so the building excitement of me reaching to open the door was now gone.

So every night now, she prances and whines at the back door. When I come into the kitchen to assist, she automatically goes to the garage and waits for me to open the back door. Then she nonchalantly walks out, through the kitchen and out the back door, no barking, no hysterics. It's routine now. I got her to calm down, granted it wasn't the Cesar Milan way by making her calm down and wait for my command, but it was by removing the build up of tension towards the opening door.

It's how I've given up caffeine, smoking, sugar, my vices, it's how I've gotten Kristin to quit playing video games without complaint, how to get her to cut back on junk food and bad behavior; no - not by standing in the garage, but by breaking the triggers.

I Want To See Your Bottom

I read a goodnight story to Kristin, in her bed (like I always do), then kissed her goodnight and went into my bedroom to change into my pajamas and robe.

As I took my pants off, I glance over at the door and there she is, peeking into the bedroom and giggling.

"Kristin, you need to get back into bed." I said.

"I want to see your bottom." she laughs as she walks the rest of the way into the room.

"Kristin," I repeated, "you need to get in bed, it's past your bedtime."

"But I want to see your bottom," she says again, giggling like she's already aware it's a no-no.

What do you say to that? You can't pull down your underwear and say, "Sure, take a gander," but at the same time, I didn't want to act like body parts were dirty or bad or that there is shame or disgust or anything negative.

I just said, "Honey, it's no big deal, now you need to go to bed or you're going to have a time out."

She's getting into the curious stage. I'm going to have to keep my eye out for her peeking around corners, hiding beside the bed or in the closet, etc.

staying home for President's Day

I've joined Twitter. If you are a member, my handle is SteveSinCa, if you want to friend me.

Kristin had a playmate over on Monday all day. One of Toney's coworkers has a daughter who just turned six (her birthday party was Saturday), and Kristin actually just met the girl on Saturday at the party. Then Monday, since there was no school, we just had the girl come over here from 8 to 5 while her mom worked. Kristin had an absolute blast, she had never had anybody over for so long.

The house was a complete disaster, but we were okay with it because she didn't get to do this very often. Of course once it came time to clean up (after her friend had left), she threw a fit, blamed her friend for the mess and decided to never have anybody over again.

Of course that won't last. I did purge two trash bags full of toys she had outgrown and got rid of a bookcase/shelf in her room so that next time they play with everything, it should be more manageable for her afterwards. She does have too many toys still.

When she's home with me most of the time, she doesn't like to play much because she doesn't want to do the cleanup afterwards. It can be frustrating for me sometimes. "Just play." I will tell her. "Play with anything, you have so many toys."

"No," She'll say with a woe-is-me sigh, "I don't want to." And she'll just lay on her bed and chat with a doll or do something equally lackadaisical.

She will play, and get things out, but sometimes it's just too much effort to play.

A Valentine's Day Hug

“Praise is warming and desirable. But it is an earned thing. It has to be deserved, like a hug from a child.” - Phyllis McGinley

Looking at a new school

It looks like Kristin might be changing schools again. I'm a little worried about this being her third school and she's not even through kindergarten yet. I know instability can cause it's own problems, but it really will be a better school.

Any thought of homeschooling is going to be put on hold. I talked with my last remaining client yesterday and there was a general consensus that ultimately their website will be pulled inhouse. (I do web project management). It's relatively unlikely that I can find more work in the same field from home, I will probably have to work in an office somewhere, which of course means she will have to go to school and then go to daycare.

Maybe I can find more work to do from home, who knows.

However, we are very concerned about her schoolwork. Currently, she is in the best school in town, however in Monterey there are better schools. (There is a huge traffic jam every morning and then again around 3, between the two towns, mostly it consists of Salinas parents trucking their kids out of town to better schools). Well, Toney checked yesterday and there's an opening and we're going to go for it. She will be in a better school and in a more affluent environment, which always means more opportunity.

Her schoolwork is just too much paperwork, too much homework (at kindergarten, she has more homework than I had in 6th grade), but it's all at preschool level, or at least far far beneath her.

When I go in, as a parent helper, to assist in the class, I will be instructing the groups as to what to do, and by the time I finish giving instructions, she's already done with the work. And her homework bores her to tears. It's always something like "count the ducks and then color them". What benefit is there in coloring as forced homework? Counting is preschool, it's not math. It seems so wasteful, and it's really turning her off to the whole creative experience.

Also, the levels of the students in the groups are sooo different, she really is being held back. Some of the kids don't know the alphabet or how to spell. As I'm sounding out the letter to them, the kids that know the stuff get bored and start talking/fighting/playing. They don't focus on the work. One girl knows the sounds of each letter but if I sound out "p-a-n" for example, she has to pull out a flash card of the alphabet and go down the list until she gets to P. Then she knows what it is. She has to do this for every letter. It slows the whole group down. But bless her heart, she's learning and trying. Another kid just puts his head on the table and says "I can't do it, I can't do it."

Every parent ought to spend 1 hour a week in their kids class. You would be shocked, I promise you. Most people are just aware of how their kid is doing, but have no idea of the consequences of group teaching or the social aspect of it all. It's a HUGE factor. The teachers have such a difficult job, and if your kid is ahead of everyone else, they just get held back in the learning experience so the slower kids can be brought up. It's not intentional, but it's unavoidable, it's impossible to teach 22 different kids each on an individual level. (Although the Montessori system can do it, they're not as bound by government regulations).

Hopefully I can restart my career, and hopefully we can get her into this better school and then in a year or two get her back in the Montessori system.

But one step at a time, it seems like my goals or our plans are always changing.

But it takes me forever to add something to THIS blog!

I've created a new blog, Adamant Moon, where I plan on eventually putting up my creative writings, essays and artwork. I thought I'd better snag the name though. The Sun is my Life, the Moon is my Anima.

I've lost my blogroll

blogrolling.com seems to have been down for two days. I'm going to quit linking to them as my blogroll, it never seems to have been accurate when it lists someone as 'updated', and it's just another external server to have to connect to, to load my page. It seems a growing number of people use google reader anyway, and no longer go to blog pages.

I'll have to reconstruct my blogroll from memory sometime today. If I don't get you listed, or if you want to be added, let me know.

Sometimes people link to about 7 different servers on their webpage. Google ads, blogrolling or it's equivalent and other places as well. The odds become about 7 times greater that their page won't load. If one server goes down, the browser just sits there waiting and waiting and won't finish loading the page, and won't proceed beyond trying to link to that server. I find that irritating as hell, and was reluctant to use blogrolling to begin with, for that reason.

If I just put everything on blogger.com, then it's an all or nothing situation, if it goes down, the whole damn thing goes down.

Here Comes The Sun

Because of my high triglyceride levels, I've changed my habits so much that I've basically detoxified my body. And it feels so incredible. (Triglycerides are supposed to not get over 200, mine were 850).

I gave up fatty foods and I think I miss those the most. The gravies, pork, sausages, eggs, butter, things I've had for a lifetime. At first I thought that was the extent of what I should give up, but then upon research I realized that sugar turns into trigylcerides too, so I've been giving up sugar.

I switched from coffee to tea in the morning and I still put a spoonful of sugar in it, but that's about the extent of my sugar intake now. For most of my life, I've had soda, sometimes a full two liter a day for years on end. I miss that but am adapting better than I thought. I don't fry anymore, and did the switch to egg and butter substitutes.

Cooking sugar-free hasn't been much of a change because Toney is diabetic, so I already was cooking sugar-free.

I've given up alcohol too, as that converts to sugar. I used to have about a 6 pack in the evening, to relax and I wonder how much of that was responsible for my triglicerides. It was probably a big factor, although having grown up in the midwest, guys having a six pack after work was as common as dinner. I don't miss that as much as I thought I would (and for that I count my blessings, I suppose).

Not only do I have all this newfound energy, but I find my perspective has changed too. The way I spent my time now bores me. I'd want to sit down in the evening, after I got all my work done and Kristin put to bed, and watch tv. Not now, there's too much to do and I've got the energy now to do it.

I'll still watch my favorite shows, but I don't 'settle in for the evening' anymore.

And my interest in national news has waned and my interest in local happenings has grown. I've gotten rid of a lot of my news links and replaced them with more local links. I've quit going to places like the Huffington Post because it seemed like I was spinning wheels, not accomplishing anything (except getting heartburn apparently).

Although one final comment on politics....I hear that a lot of people are tired of Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton and want change in politics. CBS News and the Washington Post have a great article, Political Dynasties are as American as apple pie. If it weren't for political dynasties, we wouldn't have ever had a second Roosevelt presidency, John Adams from the beginning of this country came from a political dynasty. Also, the Gores, the Murkowskis, the Rockefellers, the Bakers, the Doles, the Bonos, the Meekses, the Dodds, the Tsongases, the Chafees. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the first woman to hold the position, is the daughter of former congressman Thomas D'Alesandro Jr. Anyway, it's a good article about dynasties. Power begets power.

The rains have stopped outside, after about a month of solid rain. The outside now reflects how I feel inside. It's a beautiful day. Spring is right around the corner here in our little valley.

Sunday morning rambling

Friday I ran to the grocery store to get some stuff and I was in my baggy sweats, a huge, plain hanes undershirt, I hadn't showered or shaved, I was pretty grungy. As soon as I walked in, this very attractive, very young woman in her 20's immediately started following me. It was pretty obvious, you know when you are being cruised, she was definitely checking me out, practically spilling her breasts into my cart in order to reach stuff. I went from one end of the store to the other and back again, because my list was in my head and so it wasn't like I was going up and down every aisle, yet there she was the whole time right behind me. It was so obvious. I didn't know what to say though. I was so flattered, it's been a long time since that's happened, and most people from that age group don't want to give us 'oldsters' the time of day. By the time I got home, I was all puffing my chest out and I was strutting around 'Daddy's still got it, yeah, who's yer daddy.'

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Congrats to my two nephews! One is 11 years old and plays soccer. He has taken his team to the top of the state and then to the top of the region, and my sister tells me that the Olympic prequalifying committee has contacted them and they want him to try out for the Olympic team. He's 11 years old! Congrats to him.

My other nephew is 17 and he wants to be a Broadway actor. Apparently his acting is so good, that he has won some state contest and is going to New York to compete onstage. Should he win that (and he is favorited to), then it's off to London to win the acting contest, I'm not sure what it's called. At 17 he is accomplishing his dream and I think it's pretty much a guarantee that we will have an Olympic soccer player and a Broadway actor in our family within a few years!

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I was talking with some people the other day about homeschooling. Everybody (except me) agreed that the majority of homeschooling is done by Christian fundamentalists who don't want their children growing up learning about abortion. I didn't realize homeschooling had such a bum rap. Our babysitter is in 12th grade and she does homeschooling because the high school is overrun by gangs and her family fears for her safety. I must admit I wouldn't want Kristin in some environment where metal detectors and police officers are part of the everyday environment. (I have nothing against police officers, but you know what I mean).

I've thought about homeschooling Kristin because I think she's getting short changed in the public school system. We can't afford the Montessori system anymore, but that was truly where she belonged. It's basically the cost of a new car every year and we can't do that.

I'd like to work with the school system to change things, but one parent cannot rework the whole public school system to make it more in line with his daughter, of course, so trying to work within the system doesn't seem to be a realistic option.

Her teacher gave her 1st grade flash cards to work on, so she could be ready this fall for first grade. I sat down with her to do the flash cards and she was bored, she already knew all the first grade stuff. Public school is actually holding her back, she's halfway through kindergarten but practically ready for 2nd grade material. I feel by keeping her in the public school system, I am shortchanging her education.

I go in every Wednesday to help her classroom and the classroom is broken into 4 groups. The teacher breaks them up based on intellectual level. I work with each group for 15-20 minutes, then the groups rotate. The groups get different assignments based on where they currently stand intellectually. She's in the highest group but even then, by the time I explain to the table what the assignment is and how to do it, she's finished. Then she has to sit there for 20 minutes and wait for everybody to catch up.

She is going to get so bored with school and become a problem child, if I can't get her some tutoring or into an advanced class or something. That's why I am leaning towards homeschooling, it's to be able to get the educational material to keep up with her! It has nothing to do with a fear of her learning some 'liberal agenda' pushed on the public school system. I'm actually FOR that liberal agenda. I don't understand how homeschooling got such a bum rap.