How Prop 8 changed our little gay family forever

I remember the first Blogging for LGBT Families Day, Dana (Mombian) wasn't sure about how to approach it and emailed me and we discussed it and I encouraged her to just dive in and do it. Now, 4 years later, it is like this huge event with hundreds of LGBT parents blogging their lives, sponsors and no sign of slowing down. Congrats to Dana for creating something so profound and important for our community.

Our family consists of me, my husband Toney and our daughter Kristin, 6 years old. We were married during the brief window of legal opportunity in California, where we reside. To get a synopsis of our life, check out my blog, I've been blogging our gay family life since Kristin was in diapers.

I think what I want to point out this time, is how Prop 8 changed our little gay family, here in this conservative farming town of about a quarter million. Before Prop 8, it was just the three of us, living day to day, trying to get by and experiencing the shunning that many families can feel in a small-town mentality community where diversity and outsiders are frowned upon. This town had no organized gay community, no bars or other alcohol free meeting places, no LGBT family groups, no diversity center, no gay social events, absolutely nothing whatsoever.

In fact, it was why I turned to blogging originally, to find some other LGBT families, to find a sense of community and to have an online diary that hopefully like minded people would eventually come across.

Then Prop 8 came about. During the months leading up to Prop 8, about 6 LGBT people got together and starting making phone calls from the phone book, just calling everybody and urging them to vote no on Prop 8. That was it, that was this town's organized resistance. Well, Prop 8 passed and suddenly all the gay people in this town, us included, were royally pissed. Thankfully, Toney and I had gotten married during the window of opportunity, but it was a bittersweet moment. Was it to be taken from us? If not, it's still disheartening to know that other members of our community were now shut out. It made us feel like freaks in a zoo, the "special" gays who now fit in neither group. It was just all so wrong.

So Toney and I created a website for those 6 LGBT people and with the website, and the anger from Prop 8, they grew from 6 people to over 300. We are working on becoming a non-profit, we are organizing and we are on schedule to have a diversity center in this town by Thanksgiving. That is going from 6 people to having a center in one year's time. An incredible feat. We have social events, we rally and have protested in front of city hall and the courthouse. Kristin helps us make signs, and best of all, we have community now. We have met the best people in the world, passionate, caring and angry LGBT people. We have met other gay families with kids, so now Kristin finally has families she can relate to. I have been able to sit down with the moms and we discuss raising kids in this environment. A very supportive atmosphere where we can understand and relate to what each other is going through, whether it is ostracization at the school, or by other parents, whatever the reason, a HUGE burden has been lifted from my shoulders and our small, conservative town is now much different for us LGBT parents. We have each other now to turn to. In addition to all the work our equality group is doing to support the community overall, (the diversity center, we've brought PFLAG and local GSAs together to discuss what can be done to help each other, we've created events for LGBT people to socialize at) there are events soon taking place specifically for LGBT families too. We are having our first family pride picnic in June, we are going to create a family support group, family get togethers and our community is getting stronger and more connected. I don't think this ever would have happened without Prop 8.

After any natural disaster, whether it is earthquake, flood or tornado, life will grow back, stronger and better than before. The same thing has happened in the aftermath of Prop 8. We are stronger, we are better and we are 1,000 times more united than before. There is no going back, in the space of less than a year, our community has gone from a lone little seedling to a full grown tree, covered in pink blossoms. This town will never be the same.

Summer Vacation Just Days Away

I can't wait for the summer. Just about two more weeks of school then it's over. Since I'm currently unemployed, I'm going to be semi-working as Daddy DayCare. Two other 6 year old girls and one 9 year old boy will be spending the days with us. I'm looking forward to it, we are going to have a great time doing activities, science stuff, cooking, picnics, and I will be getting a tad bit of compensation for it.

Best of all, two of the kids have a lesbian mom, they just moved into town recently. So cool, we met through our equality group. It couldn't come at a better time, because Kristin's best friend at school has been pulling back from Kristin. During family discussions about Prop 8, religion and life in general, we told Kristin that some people believe in God. I'm agnostic and explained that to her, and about respecting people's different choices. So, Kristin told us that she wants to believe what we believe. We just told her that she doesn't have to make up her mind right now.

So she apparently told her best friend that she didn't believe in God, and her best friend has been pulling back now, saying things like "I don't want to play with you, if you don't believe in God."

They are only 6 and to already be so close minded is sad. They were best friends for almost 2 years. What is this little girl going to do when she comes across a Muslim child or a Jewish child? They don't believe in Jesus. Her world is going to be very small, but people like that tend to prefer it that way, anyway.

So, school is ending, their being around each other will soon be over, and we are going to have a house full of kids who are open minded, some who believe and some who don't, but none care about each other's opinion. It just won't be brought up, it won't matter. They just want to play. And at 6 years old, that is as it should be.

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Earlier this month, I won a contest at GreenDad's Blog. I won a video about gay dads and have donated it to Salinas Valley Equality, as one of the few pieces in our group's library. Thanks to Green Dad's Blog!

How our mind colors things for us

Here is a great way you can teach your child about eyes and how we see color.

Stare at the dot in the middle of the picture during the countdown. If you stare only at it, then the image looks colored. But if you move your eyes, you will see the picture in black and white.

124 days into the year, want to talk about resolutions?

How many resolutions have you been able to keep this year?

Back in January, I blogged about changing our diet to include less meat, and to have more frequent, smaller meals than the typical large 3 meals a day that I was raised on.

Last night we watched Diners, Drive-ins and Dives on the Food Network and after 4 months of modified dining habits, I was pretty shocked at what I saw. That show is pretty good at finding the unhealthiest and yet tantalizing food in the country. If I had seen that show a year ago, my mouth would have watered at all the gravy, melted cheese, heaping plates and fried foods I saw. I won't say it was repulsive to see (although if I look on down the road, I can see where it might repulsive to me someday), but as it stands now, seeing that food didn't set off any receptors in my brain.

One of the diners in the show (and I notice that 90% of them are overweight) had this huge plate of something in front of him and he commented "It's a stick to your ribs meal."

That's the kicker for me. I was used to a double quarter pounder with cheese for lunch, and then I wouldn't have to eat again until dinner. Now I can do one can of soup (servings: 2) and eat some tortilla chips a few hours later. It might not be perfect, but it's a far cry from the way I used to eat, and at least they aren't greasy chips.

I think the hardest part of modifying our diet has been portion control. I used to laugh at the nutrition labels. How many servings? Please. I'd eat 4 or possibly 6 servings of something, (and I've never been more than 20 pounds overweight. I know I'm sounding very obese here). But now I can eat much more reasonable portions, I just have to eat more frequently. Snacking on an apple isn't quite the stick to your ribs meal I was used to, but I'm getting used to it now. And the best part of the deal? Yes, I have more energy throughout the day. When you eat something heavy, you just want to sit there, because your body has to spend the energy digesting. I'm glad to say I'm free of that now.